Thursday, August 29, 2013

Getting Back on the Horse

I've gotten over my date from hell last week, but I am conscious about not letting that change the person I am.

I have done a lot of self discovery over the past seven days and have come to the conclusion I WAS NOT the problem during the date. He was. He was the one with the issues of being 31 and not being married or having any kids.

He shouldn't have put all the pressure on me on our first date.

But enough about that.

I have decided there's not much I need to change about the way I meet people through online dating.

I am, however, a little more aware of whether people tick if they want children in their profile. I am not going to feel bad because I am 33 and don't know if I want children of my own. Everyone has the right to make their own decisions and I will certainly not talk about it on a first date (which is the motto I usually go by).

The thing which has changed, is what I share with people during our initial correspondence. I am a bit more reserved and don't say as much as soon as I used to.

And you can really weed out the ones who aren't serious. Some guys just keep talking about having a good day and, one in particular, after each email, says he hopes to hear from me soon. Mate, I don't want to feel sorry for you. Don't appear so desperate.

The ones who initiate contact and send a decent email with enough information about them and enough questions to you to whet the appetite, will get my attention every time.

It's too much effort (and a waste of time) to keep asking how the other's day was. There needs to be more substance than that.

This is where music, movies, family etc comes in. If that's what you want to find out about the person. It's not a deal breaker if I don't like the same music, but if I see a profile (or if someone tells me) the last time they went to a cinema was 10 years ago, I'd be reluctant to continue contact as I frequent the movies every week and it's a big part of who I am.

Similarly with travelling overseas. One guy who contacted me said he didn't have any desire to go overseas and just wanted to stay in Australia. That's okay for him, but I love travelling overseas and intend to do more so a union between us wouldn't work out.

I'm not really any closer to meeting a nice guy (although I do have a date lined up for the weekend) but I know it's not me, it's you!

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