Sunday, February 28, 2016

The Long Date with the Short Guy

I've never had an issue about a guy's height because to me, it wasn't a deal breaker. But granted, I usually went on dates with guys who were taller than me. Until now.

I had my first Plenty of Fish date for the year a few weeks ago and it turns out the guy was short. And the date was long, but not in a good way.


We met at a little bar at 3pm one Sunday afternoon. Conversation was easy and before we knew it, we were two drinks in and three hours into what turned out to be a six-hour date. We were enjoying each other's company (or so it seemed). 


We decided to move to another bar and jumped on the City Cat. It was about this time when we were walking down the street I realised how short he was. He brought it up too, even making fun of himself plenty of times.

We're at another bar and I thought the date was going well - we seemed at ease in each other's company and had plenty to talk about. 

We knew about each other's siblings, parents, careers, friends and were comfortable to ask just about anything.

Almost two hours later we're about to leave and we get into some of the deal breakers we each have (don't you just love the heavy stuff people wanted to talk about on date #1?).

I said I wouldn't date someone who did drugs and the conversation comes to a halt. Turns out he does drugs "occasionally". When I asked how often that was, he clammed up and said it depended how he was feeling, but usually every couple of weeks.

He'd lied in his profile (I'm sure a lot of people do) as one of the questions is just that - do you do drugs? But really, who is going to say yes...

We'd spent almost six hours together and at no stage did I think this guy wasn't enjoying himself. Apart from the awkward turn it took at the end.

I had enjoyed myself and I don't stay on a date for that long if I'm not having fun. I don't think anyone should.

I offered to drop him home as he didn't live far from me. He leans over in the car and kisses me on the cheek and can't get out of the car fast enough. That's odd...


We'd been talking about books we were reading and he said to send him a pic of the cover of mine and he'll do the same with his.

I get home, send him the photo and say I had a nice night and would be keen to see where this goes with a decond date.

He replies a few minutes later with the photo of his book. But no message. I thought that was weird, so I got ready for bed. Looked at my phone 20 minutes later and he's sent a long message back.

He said he'd had a lovely afternoon as well, but to be honest he wasn't sure he was what I was looking for in a guy and he didn't want to f**k me around.

I replied the next morning saying thanks for letting me know and all the best. Even though I didn't want to thank him for letting me know. Why couldn't he have just said I had a nice time, but I wanted to leave it there?

Hate when guys say they're not right for me. How do they know what I'm looking for? Certainly wouldn't know after one date.

The thing that annoyed me most was the amount of time we both wasted that Sunday afternoon and the fact he had the perfect chance to end the date after drinks at the first place. Why we continued to the next place for drinks is beyond me.


I don't like wasting time, particularly when it's with a guy who turns out not to be that into me.

Maybe my next date should only go for an hour or two.

**By the way, I have to thank a friend for the headline. She thought it was hilarious when she came up with it!

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Underwear Bridget Jones Would Be Proud Of

A little while ago I met this great guy who treated me like I deserved to be treated. For two weeks. Then I got radio silence from him but I'm pretty sure you guys remember how this story ended...

But what you don't know is what happened the last time I saw him. Before, you know, he went MIA.

I'd had a work function to go to and by the time I got to his place, he was already in bed. I had to decided to surprise him with a *ahem* wax and I'd popped in my overnight bag a pair of undies which were loose fitting so they wouldn't be too uncomfortable against my newly waxed nether regions.

I didn't end up wearing them (and he never saw said regions) but I left the undies at his apartment after I'd left for work the following morning.

The annoying thing was, I realised this before I'd even reached my car but I didn't have a key so I couldn't get back into the complex.

Later that night was the last time I spoke to the guy and all the while, in the back of my head, I kept thinking about those damn Bridget Jones undies lurking somewhere in his unit and wondering if he'd already found them.

So as the hours turned into days, then into a week and I stil hadn't heard from him, I secretly thought he'd judged me by my undies and wouldn't want to see me again.

But by god, I was going to get my underwear back! I'd left a few things at his place which I also wanted and when he did speak to me again, I said I wanted all my things returned (but I didn't make a specific mention of the undies).

It took about a month, but I eventually got my things back.

You can imagine my anticipation as I arrive home and see a bag waiting on my doorstep....one of my first thoughts is will my undies be in there??!!

I cautiously open the bag like there's a bomb inside it. I pull out the shampoo and conditioner, containers, toothbrush etc.....and there taking pride of place are my Bridget Jones undies! A wave of relief passes by, then the mortification and humiliation sets in as I realise this guy has seen one of my most unattractive, unflattering bloomers.

But the shame soon turned into annoyance as I see something else in the bag. This guy knew I loved ice cubes and he'd returned a couple of trays we'd bought together, but he'd also added another tray to my collection.

There staring back at me is a penis-shaped ice cube tray. Five little, yes little, penises in a tray. 

My first reaction is to smile, this guy knew me well - knew I'd like the ice cube tray but I think his intentions were a little misplaced. Did he honestly think I'd get a kick out of such a thing (no).

But to humour him (or me), I used the tray once, then put it in a bag full of things to go to a charity store. I'm sure someone got a surprise when they opened up the bag...