Keeping your ex in the rear view mirror

Here's a hot tip for you. If a guy says he enjoys your company, run. Run as fast as you can and don't look back.

Up until this point I had hope. Hope this guy (an ex) whom I hadn't seen in two years was back in my life because he realised how much he missed me and hadn't found what we had since breaking up.

As much as I wanted to believe this, there was a niggling feeling telling me this wasn't the case.

People say actions speak louder than words but that wasn't the case this time.

His actions were telling me otherwise.

Let me start at the beginning. A month ago there's a knock at my door at 6.45pm on a Saturday. I was sick at the time (wearing trackies, ugg boots, jumper and no makeup) and wasn't expecting any visitors.

I open the door and standing there is my ex. It's been two years since we've seen each other and he says hi like it was yesterday. We'd had a difficult breakup and never in a million years did I think I'd see him again.

My reactions was a little different ("holy shit!").

He told me he was in the neighbourhood picking up something from Marketplace and he'd tried to message me on facebook but couldn't find me (I smiled - that's because I blocked you, mate!).

I let him in and we chatted. Just like old friends who hadn't seen each other in 10 years. He stayed for four hours. Yep, four hours. It was really good to see he was doing better than when we were together.

He'd changed jobs and seemed to be in a better place. I asked if he was seeing anyone (no) and I got the obligatory "you?" back. Clearly not caring what my answer was.

I told him about a psychic reading I had two years ago (after we had broken up) and how the lady couldn't shut up about him. Said the job he was in was the worst he could have, he had allergies to wheat and starch and dust and mould, the list went on.

Time passes and at 10.45pm he leaves with me thinking I won't see him again.

Of course I was wrong. I was turning 40 the following week and he messaged wishing me happy birthday.

Over the coming week we messaged a bit back and forth, just like it used to be. I was keen to catch up when I was back (I'd headed home for my 40th) and he was free the weekend so it was locked in.

A few hours into the second meet up he tells me there's an ex of his who's back in his life and he'd actually spent time with her two days earlier.

This didn't sit well with me at all. All of a sudden I felt like the other woman. He had not told me about her the last time we saw each other. If he had, there's no way I would have organised another catchup.

And why is he seeing me when he is spending time with another girl? I had so many questions.

I figured I had nothing to lose so I told him more about the psychic reading. The lady said he knew we could have a good life together but he needed to step up.

What I didn't tell him is she said he would get from me what he gets from a friend and he would find a way to keep popping back into my life.

I needed to get rid of him from my life in order for this other guy I'm meant to be with to appear. Apparently things will be a lot easier with this guy and we would be a good match.

But back to the catchup...I had planned on hitting this guy up and asking why he'd popped back into my life but the news of another girl threw me so I just left it.

There's a time and a place.

Cue two weeks later (yesterday) and we catch up. I was determined to get to the bottom of it. I'm like a dog with a bone.

It takes me two hours to find a segway to ask him about this other girl.

I ask if he's seeing someone and he replies "yeah, I'm still seeing Rachel." Right, so this girl has a name.

I then ask what he was feeling towards me and he was trying to throw it back to me and I wouldn't have it.

He finally said he wanted friendship from me. Mate, the way you've been acting is not friendship. I tell him we were never friends; we met on a dating site.

This comes as a shock to him - for some reason he thought I would be okay with this scenario. I was not (and most girls wouldn't be either).

As we are chatting the time is passing and we're getting close to leaving the house to see a movie I booked tickets for an hour earlier.

Of course had I known he was seeing me as a "friend" I wouldn't have said yes to a movie and sitting next to this guy who's flying the FRIENDSHIP flag.

So I put on my big girl pants and sucked it up. I really wanted to see the movie!

He touched my leg a couple of times during the movie as he jumped watching a scene (friendship, I don't think so).

Afterwards, we came back to my house. I still didn't get what I wanted out of him so I attempted another chat.

I asked what this girl would think of him spending time with me and he said he'd told her and she was okay about it.

Ummmm....I would not be okay with it.

This guy has spent a lot of time with me over the past few catchups, acting like we were still a couple (just minus the physical stuff). He was asking about my friends, how my family was doing and sharing in-house jokes with me like old times.

Again, this is not okay.

Mate, you can't do that. You can't lead a girl on and think you're offering more than you are. And you are deluded if you think we were "just friends".

I couldn't believe this guy had taken me for a ride. Again.

But that's the last time. I blocked him (again) on facebook last night and I'm close to blocking his phone number as well.

I've wasted enough time, energy and breathing space on this guy over the past month it's time to put him in the rear view mirror for good.

Unblocking my ex on Facebook

Isolation made me do it!

Spending three months in lock down gave me plenty of time to ponder life, including what my ex boyfriend was up to.

I must admit, there have been times over the past two years I've wondered what he was up to but that's as far as it went.

But being isolated from many of the things I know and love made me think....and think....and think.

You see, I blocked my ex about 18 months ago because Facebook Messenger kept telling me when he was online. We weren't Facebook friends anymore but he'd messaged me on Messenger and even though I'd deleted the chat, I could still see when he was online.

You can imagine how this wasn't helpful for someone wanting to forget their ex (like most of us do!). They're an ex for a reason, right?!

So I blocked him. Which deleted that chat.

Out of sight, out of mind, right? Well, mostly.

Lately I'd been thinking about what he'd be up to. Was he still working or had he lost his job from coronavirus layoffs? 

I knew he'd have a new girlfriend, no question about it. He told me he was a relationship kinda guy (he just didn't know how to act like he was in one).

So last night I did it - I unblocked him. I didn't expect to see much (if anything) as he rarely posted on Facebook when we were together and he wasn't going to change, right?

You can imagine my shock when I see he'd checked in at a couple of gigs.....with a girl.

Now it's not the fact he was with a girl that got to me, it's the fact 1) he's going to gigs again and he knew how much I love this and he never wanted to commit to going to them with me anymore and 2) he checked in with her.

I mean, he'd never checked in on Facebook anywhere with me the whole time we were together.

The two checkins I did see were from 2019 but one can only assume they are still together now.

Of course I stalked her Facebook page too (who wouldn't?) but only saw a handful of photos (she's pretty *sigh*) and thankfully there wasn't a happy snap of them both staring back at me.

I am better off without him, no question, but I don't want his happiness rubbed in my face.

I say good luck to her. I had nine months of him putting me second with everything he did (including not wanting to go to music gigs with me) and now I don't have to put up with that. And haven't for the past two years.

Yes I am still single, yes I am a few months away from turning 40, but you know what? I am so glad I made the decision to end our relationship and I put myself first for once.

You're probably wondering if I'm going to block him again on social media? I don't think so. He's not hiding in my Messenger messages anymore so there isn't a constant reminder he's there.

And I want to be the bigger person, even if I don't feel like it right now.

Sixty Minutes of Self-Righteousness

I knew when a guy asked me if I could put up with a low-meat diet he wasn't the one for me.

But going against my better judgement, we went on a date and I ended up calling it quits after just one hour (think this is a new record).

The whole time I kept thinking, I got dressed up for this guy. I could be at home watching MAFS in my PJs but instead I'm out on a school night listening to this self-righteous person talk down about society and his family. 

He's got a beef with his parents and basically blames them for how he's turned out. Or not turned out.

He explains they are not well educated and hadn't gone to university. His mother didn't want him to follow a 'creative' path and it sounds like he still holds a grudge.

It's like they stunted him becoming what he was supposed to become. Whatever that was.

He didn't see his parents as his equal.

I have never felt more uncomfortable sitting hearing someone put their parents down as much as this guy did. And remember, we were only on the date for 60 mins.

He asked me about my parents and I said my dad hadn't finished high school but as an adult gained his PhD and my mum had always worked.

I think he was hoping I'd trash-talk my parents, but I wouldn't.

He also trashed his friends, saying he needed to make new ones who shared his beliefs as his old ones didn't anymore.

I have never met anyone more dissimilar to me than this guy. There is NO WAY I would date someone who speaks like this about his family and friends.

He asked what I thought about the bar we'd gone to? I said it was good, he thought something was missing and said it was sterile. I said it was missing some vases with fresh flowers on the bar (!!!) but he didn't like that answer.

At one point, though, he did compliment my watch. I said it was from Singapore and he asked me if it was battery operated or something else? I said battery I think - I've only had it since October.

I was about to say it cost $5 but decided against it as he'd probably turn on me

I was hoping, going into 2020, my dates would get better.

It's been more than 12 months since my last good date and tonight was no exception.

Have you heard the saying if you keep doing the same things you'll keep getting the same result?

Well, I was trying to broaden my horizons when it comes to the guys I like.

If you had of asked me a month ago would I date a vegan it would have been a flat out no. And turns out after tonight it's still a no.

Tonight's date describes himself as an "accidental" vegan who likes salami and bacon. What the? Go figure. Apparently he's allergic to eggs and is lactose intolerant, blah blah blah. 

This bothered me to start with because I am a meat eater and wouldn't know how I'd go with someone who wasn't.

This (pseudo) vegan, looked disinterested the whole time during the date. When he wasn't playing with his half-empty beer glass (and had told me he didn't drink much), he was spinning his phone on the table which annoyed me (he'd already answered a text - black mark).

He also contradicted himself. Said he liked Dendy cinemas because you could take a glass of wine in. I called him out saying but you don't drink much and he's like oh, it's nice to have a glass in the cinema.

My gut was already telling me I couldn't date a vegan, but his philosophical look on life cemented that for me.

He even lectured me on how many cultures believed it was important to "break bread" when sharing a meal.

He'd wanted to meet for Japanese but this was quickly quashed when I told him I didn't eat it.

I don't need a lecture about the importance of breaking bread or having someone suggest I would be eating a low-meat diet if we dated.

No thank you.
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