Two Sides

There are two sides to every story, so here is mine.

I jinxed myself after my last blog. Things went south about as quickly as they escalated with that guy I'd met online. One minute I was happy in the new stages of meeting someone, then all of a sudden I'm sitting at home wondering what happened and what went so wrong.

Somehow I went from the girl he would have a smile on his face for when he answered the door or his phone, to the person he didn't take calls from. I became THAT girl.

He dodged my calls and texts for a week before he finally replied. I had no idea what had happened and went though all the logical explanation as to why I deserved this radio silence.

Maybe he'd lost his phone or hooked up with a former flame? Or he went away for the weekend and forgot to message?

But whatever I (and my very loyal friends) came up with, I knew deep down something had happened and he'd changed his mind.

I mean, if a girl calls you and invites you over for dinner, you go right? You like her, you go to dinner. You don't leave her hanging wondering what went wrong.

A few friends suggested my blog post scared him off? I find that hard to believe because he was the one encouraging me to write another one (about him) and if we're being honest, he was being more full on than me in the short time we'd known each other.

But either way, I didn't deserve the radio silence he gave me. No one does. Why can't he (and all the other people who are too scared to someone how they really feel) just man up, get some balls and do the adult thing. Take responsibility and don't try to blame someone else.

No one can fault you for how you feel, but they can feel really shitty about they way you've treated them. And I didn't deserve that.

I've always said I can make myself feel bad enough, I don't need someone else to do it for me.

So here's to more blog posts and to people treating me like I matter!

364

You're probably wondering what the 364 refers to?? Well, apparently that's the number of dates I've had in the three-and-half years I've been single. There must be a few blog posts missing then...

My last date thought it would be funny to calculate how many dates I'd been on, but he didn't factor in that I was only online dating for three to four months at a time and I wasn't on it the whole time I was single...but anyway, it provided a few laughs (and still does) during our first date.

I say first date because there's been a second and a third and a fourth...!

But let me start at the beginning. I had taken a break from online dating for a few months. My strike rate was getting worse and I was approaching my five-week Europe holiday so I had decided to give it a rest.

However, while contemplating life (as you do on holidays) I decided I had one 'stamp' left so I'd give it my best shot and jump online for one last time. If I was going out, it would be with a bang!

Within a day of being back online, I get a message from this guy, a tradie, who gave me his number in his first message and said he wasn't much of a texter and he believed you learnt more by saying hello.

He also said he could tell on a first date if he liked someone or not (where was he during my third date "it's not you, it's me and my work" excuse??).

I replied to his message saying he didn't even know my name, I could be a stalker for all he knew! I didn't expect anything back but props to him, I got one.

He told me a little more about himself and said he was working until 1pm (it was a Saturday) and I had his number.

So I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt so I text him, then we later chatted and decided to meet that night (again, another first. Meeting up with someone so quickly).

And this is when the comedy of errors started. We'd planned to meet at 7.30pm and my brother was going to drop me off. But 15 mins before our date I find out my brother's dog had rolled in something and he was stuck at home washing him.

I call for a taxi but know I'm not going to make my date in time. I message saying I'm waiting for a taxi. No worries, he was cool. The taxi arrives and I soon realise we're going to get stuck in traffic as there's a game on at The Gabba so I'm in the back of the taxi updating my date about my predicament.

I couldn't have been more textbook First Date 101 even if I tried. But I realise all these things are going wrong and he still wants to meet me.

I was trying to be funny while he waited for me and said I hoped he wasn't out in the cold as I was stuck in traffic and could be awhile. The last text he sent was "you're shit". I figured he was joking, so didn't reply.

I finally jump out of the taxi, almost 20 minutes late, and it dawns on me I'm at the wrong ferry stop! I call my date and he asks me something about the taxi (basically making fun of my excuses) and I have to tell him I was at the wrong ferry stop.

How could this date be so cliche???!

He was a good sport and laughed and soon we were meeting for the first time in the dark on a foot path by the river...

Luckily this broke the ice and we could have a good laugh. We're near the next ferry stop and see a ferry approaching and we both run for it - and make it. But soon realise we're heading in the wrong direction! It didn't matter. We rolled with it and jumped off at South Bank instead.

I don't think I've been on a date like this before. There wasn't any awkwardness, I didn't have to think about if I liked this guy (I'd liked him from the first phone call) or wonder how nervous each of us was.

There was an ease about our date where we didn't have to try too hard to make it work.

We're soon tossing back a couple of drinks and make friends with a waiter called Javier who wants us to have tequila shots (we do). We run into a buck's night and my date convinces the drunk guys I'm a stripper!

I told my date about my online dating blog, hence my nickname of 364. He couldn't work out if he was 365 or not. Somehow he was getting everything right. Complimenting me, telling me he didn't think he'd have a good date and was surprised how it was turning out.

He kept asking why I was single? Said I was hot and seemed like a intelligent person. If I knew that answer, I wouldn't be single.

He was pretty confident from the get go though. Said that maybe I'd had my last first date.

About half-way through the night he wanted to see my drivers licence. I showed him and he proceeded to insult my photo. Said I looked like a crack dealer! I said it went well with ice (I'd told him how I loved lots of ice in my drinks).

This guy has the ability to compliment me and insult me in the same breath. He said I had lovely soft hands and nice fingers, then says my fingers look like frog's fingers.

He says he can't believe I'm single, then follows it up with how he's waiting for the penny to drop. There must be something wrong with me...

I wore a bright red trench coat on the date and he said I looked like a stop sign, but it made him stop.

He's keen to take the prize for the longest date and it was around 2am when we leave. We meet for breakfast the next morning and end up spending the entire day together and we've seen each other almost every day since!

This guy loves to get out and explore (we've already been to a national park) and like me, was needing someone to do these things with.

We still challenge each other though - there's a lot of banter and we don't always agree on everything. But that's half the fun of getting to know someone.

I find myself making plans for weekends down the track and I even bought two Florence and the Machine tickets for a November concert. That's how good I feel about his one and I'm fairly confident this guy may just be my last first date.

He closed his profile a day after our first date and I closed mine two days after.

Here's hoping this will be my last blog, at least for the time being. Good luck to all the other single girls out there - remember you deserve to be treated like you matter. I waited for someone and it was worth it.

All Dressed Up and Nowhere To Go

All dressed up and nowhere to go. Kind of.

I had a date planned for tonight and up until half an hour ago, we were meeting at 7pm and the guy was looking forward to meeting me.

Something changed because he text saying can we reschedule for Wednesday night? I said I had plans Wednesday, then he suggested Monday and then I was honest and said nothing personal, but I'd been cancelled on one too many times, I'm sure he had his reasons, but let's just leave things.

His reply? Okay, if you change your mind, let me know.

Obviously I didn't leave that good an impression on him for him to be so blase about me saying let's just forget it.

I am pissed off I've been cancelled on (again), but at the same time, I'm not. You remember that guy I recently wrote about who cancelled our second date to help his flatmate fix the fence? I was gutted when he cancelled because I was really looking forward to seeing him again.

But this guy, I wasn't even excited to meet him for the first time. I almost tried talking myself out of the date to start with, but a good friend convinced me to give it a go. And so I was.

I've also been trying hard not to let these small dating hiccups get to me as much as they did, but I don't think I'm having that much luck.

I wish someone could explain to me why it's so easy for guys to cancel on a girl? It's a first date. This is not a good example to set, especially when you haven't even met.

Is it a case of something else, or someone else, coming up and he got a better offer? I've always followed through with plans, I've rarely cancelled and my friends know they can rely on me.

How do I then try and weed through these online dating profiles to find one who WILL NOT CANCEL ON YOU?

I wouldn't have thought it too much to ask.

Over the past couple of weeks I've been thinking my dating stint (this time) is coming to an end. I am chatting to two other guys (I'm interested in one). Think I might see where that leads, then say bye bye to RSVP for now.

My heart's been in it, but I don't think the guys are all that interested anymore. I had a good run for awhile there.

Oh, and did I mention I'd gone to the hairdressers today and my hair looks great?!?!

All dressed up and nowhere to go...

Go With Your Gut

Just because a guy has an online dating profile, it doesn't necessarily mean he's ready to date you.

This is the harsh truth I've come face-to-face with recently.

The last guy I talked about, the one who cancelled on me, then we had a second and third date? It all came to an end on Monday when I messaged him. I hadn't heard from him since our last date so I contacted him (clearly he wasn't going to message me).

Turns out he'd been (too?) busy at work and he wasn't doing well with the work/life balance.

This is an all-too familiar reason/excuse I've been getting, but this time I actually believe it.

During our last date he seemed too preoccupied with work to really enjoy our date or get to know me more.

I was getting a gut feeling I was only one date away from the "it's not you, it's my work" excuse and it seems I was right.

I guess if I really look at it objectively, my gut feeling about him cancelling on our second date was right...he just wasn't that into me.

It's hard to hear this, especially when the last three guys have used the same excuse.

My first question is why? Why are you on a dating website to start with if you don't have any intention on meeting a girlfriend and why have you gone on one, two and sometimes three dates with me if you're just not into me?

Not only are you wasting my time, but yours as well.

I've always said I see online dating as a last resort. I've exhausted all the other means of meeting people. I'm 34 and was looking down the barrel of eternal singledom, I wanted to do something about it.

So here I am. Putting myself out there, time and time again in the hope I'll find someone who likes me for me, doesn't want to change me, is willing to do normal date things like movies, dinner and drinks and best of all, someone who wants to travel as much as I do.

You wouldn't think I was asking for much, now would you?

Bu I guess the fact I'm a girl who knows what she wants is enough to deter some guys.

You might ask, am I going for the same types of guys? Maybe I need to look at someone different?

That would be fine, but I don't actually have a "type". All the guys I've dated have been different.

Brown hair, blonde, tall, short, their jobs have ranged from electricians, chefs, corporate, FIFO workers...

For now I'll soldier on and keep you updated.

The Perks of Dating

I've taken a philosophical look at dating over the past couple of weeks.

Sure, I enjoy going on dates and meeting new people, but along the way I've also picked up some pretty cool things.

I think the top of the list would be a second chance by the last guy I wrote about.

Turns out he read the blog post I wrote about him and he was prepared to give me a second chance.

We went on a second date and it was just as good as the first, if not better.

The chemistry was still bursting out and we managed another marathon session of getting to know each other (eight and a half hours later....).

The second coolest thing I've been given on a date is a bottle of vodka! I'd organised the date - a ghost tour of an old gaol and the guy was that impressed I'd taken the initiative to do something different, he bought me a bottle of alcohol.

A good friend of mine helped me polish it off long after the guy decided I wasn't the one for him.

I've been given chocolates - fancy Haighs chocolates from Adelaide. I'm kinda glad I don't appear to be the usual flowers girl though (although I do love 'em).

I guess the next one to receive an honourable mention would be the guy from the awkward date last year who turned up with four passion fruit! He'd spoken of his passion fruit vine and how he loved to make passion fruit cheesecake. I mention I like passion fruit, then presto I'm given these fruits after probably the most awkward date I've ever been on.

I didn't eat them for days for fear they were poisoned. I even gave two to my mum (nice, hey??) and after awhile decided to try them myself.

And they were some of the tastiest I'd ever eaten!

All jokes (and fruit aside) I guess the biggest thing guys give me on dates is time. It's a few hours (or more if the date's going well) of their time they're never going to get back. Ever.

But is guess I only think of it like that when the date doesn't go well. If I'm out with a guy and I'm really enjoying myself, I'm not worried how late it is. Being a night owl has something to do with it, but also you lose track of time when you're with someone worthwhile. And you can't put a price, or time frame on that.

The One That Got Away

There's an unspoken rule in online dating about not mentioning to your date about the other guys or girls you are talking to at the same time as them.

But there in lies a harsh reality when you find out or realise you're just one of a number of girls the guy is "dating".

Unfortunately it's the nature of the beast in this line of meeting people, but that doesn't mean you have to like it.

I've always been a one-man woman and found it hard talking to more than one guy at time here in the online dating world. But you've gotta be in it to win it. Don't get me wrong, all I was doing was messaging the guys and eventually going on dates with them. I wasn't getting serious with more than one guy at a time.

I think that's why a recent date cancellation hit me really hard. I'd had a really successful first date with this (younger) guy - we'd met mid week (which I don't usually do) and stayed out until way past Cinderella's bedtime.

I didn't care how late we were, even after I copped an $80 fine to get my car out of a secure parking lot after it had closed. The date, and guy, were worth it.

Plans were quickly made for a second date but it all went downhill when he cancelled a few hours before we were supposed to meet.

No big deal, you say. You'll just catch up another time, you say. Chill out, don't worry about it, you say.

Well, I didn't say any of that and it's really hard for me to be blasé about finding a guy. I'm 34 years old and the more time I spend single, the less time I have being with someone.

So, instead of taking the cancellation like an adult, I acted like a child.

I think one of the biggest problems I have is putting more emphasis on the second date.

I've often been asked if I'm nervous or excited as I'm about to meet another new guy for the first time. No, I say. I'm not that excited. Which sounds harsh. But let me explain.

I've been on a few dates of late and with each guy, you go through the motions of telling them about yourself, asking about them and and all the while hoping their answers are going to be interesting enough for you to want to meet up with them. Not to mention there's got to be chemistry and plenty of that I had with this guy.

Now I don't message guys if my end game isn't meeting up with them. It's all well and good to click with someone online, but you need to see if it transcends into real life.

The second date is so much better than the first. I probably have more excitement because I've spent a few hours with this person already and liked what I saw.

You're more comfortable around them, yet still not 100% sure where this thing is going, but that's part of the fun. Afterall, dating is supposed to be fun!

But let me go back to the guy who cancelled. In hindsight I can't change how I reacted to the news - 'cause let's face it, no one likes to be cancelled on. But I think the real reason I was so upset was because I thought I'd left a good enough impression with him that he'd want to see me again. And him cancelling told me I hadn't.

Even though he explained he was staying at home to help his flatmate fix the fence to keep his new dog in (which was quite admirable), all I heard was something more important had come up.

But what you have to remember is, these guys don't owe you anything. Yeah you've had a great date for a few hours one night, but as far as you know, you're just one of a few (many?) they are romancing (but you hope not!).

If I could do things differently, I would have calmed down and not overreacted so badly. I would have rescheduled the date and who knows, I could be sailing through to my third date, or god forbid, my fourth right about now.

Breaking The Third Date Curse!

You can image my excitement as I successfully past the second date with the latest guy I was dating - a chef.

We sailed through the first date - a nice, casual meet up where we had a few drinks and some burgers. No pressure. No awkward silences. We had plenty to talk about and was already looking forward to the second date.

In the past, at the end of a first date I never mention anything about our second one. I may bring it up in conversation during the night, but when it comes to that awkward goodbye, I seem to freeze and can't speak.

But this time I wanted the guy to know I'd had fun and would love to see him again. He seemed to jump at the thought of another date. He was almost relieved I'd spoken first. Like he had the words ready to burst out but wasn't game to say anything.

Phew, she made the first move!

He sent me a text message after I'd arrived home saying he'd had a good time, was lovely to meet me and he was keen to catch up again.

Big brownie points.

We messaged over the weekend and organised date #2. We went ten pin bowling (at my suggestion) and it was great. We then walked to South Bank for some food and ended up along the waterfront where we made out for awhile before we went home.

He had the next day off and was keen to catch up so we locked in date #3. I was secretly excited, but also a little hesitant as I wasn't quite sure it was happening (don't count your chickens and all that).

I'd had two good dates in four days and I was on the brink of breaking my date #3 curse.

The morning of date #3 I was looking forward to seeing the guy again, but I was also hesitant. My friends kept asking if I was excited (was I?) but I downplayed it saying it was a casual catch up; I was going to his house for a couple of hours before he went to play futsal.

I must have had an inkling something was wrong because from the moment I arrived at his house, he was jumpy. I felt uncomfortable as I sat on the couch as he sat what seemed like a person's width away.

His mind was elsewhere. He kept jumping off the couch and decided to cook some spaghetti. We watched trashy game shows on tv while we tried to make small talk (hadn't we gotten past that??).

He offered me some spaghetti and we both ate in silence as time ticked away. I was aware he had to leave in 10 mins and we hadn't really even kissed properly since I arrived. Something was going on I didn't know about. He was having second thoughts.

He announces he has to go, we kiss briefly, he walks me out - he to jump on his push bike and me to go to my car.

I sat in my car for a good few minutes wondering what happened. Yes, I'd reached the elusive third date, but at the same time, it didn't feel like a "date".

I was second guessing myself the whole time, wondering what was going on and why he was so awkward. I thought by the third date we would have been more comfortable around each other.

His parting words to me were he would message when he got home.

I guess he didn't specify which day he was referring to because hours turned into a day, then two and I still hadn't heard from him.

Something was definitely up. I message him (surprise, surprise) and no reply. Still nothing the next day. Finally that night he replies apologising saying he'd been really busy at work, blah blah blah.

All I'm hearing (or reading) is this guy's not into me. If he was, he would have sent me a message the night he got home from futsal. End of story.

I messaged back and asked what was happening. If he wasn't interested, let me know. I decided it was something he had to sort out and it wasn't anything I'd done.

Funny how a straight forward message like that gets a reply in 30 minutes.

To his credit, he sent a big, long explanation about how he'd been really busy at work (who isn't?) and he thought he could juggle a busy work schedule and a girl, but he couldn't. He was sorry for wasting my time and I was a great girl.

Next!