Friday, April 24, 2015

The One That Got Away

There's an unspoken rule in online dating about not mentioning to your date about the other guys or girls you are talking to at the same time as them.

But there in lies a harsh reality when you find out or realise you're just one of a number of girls the guy is "dating".

Unfortunately it's the nature of the beast in this line of meeting people, but that doesn't mean you have to like it.

I've always been a one-man woman and found it hard talking to more than one guy at time here in the online dating world. But you've gotta be in it to win it. Don't get me wrong, all I was doing was messaging the guys and eventually going on dates with them. I wasn't getting serious with more than one guy at a time.

I think that's why a recent date cancellation hit me really hard. I'd had a really successful first date with this (younger) guy - we'd met mid week (which I don't usually do) and stayed out until way past Cinderella's bedtime.

I didn't care how late we were, even after I copped an $80 fine to get my car out of a secure parking lot after it had closed. The date, and guy, were worth it.

Plans were quickly made for a second date but it all went downhill when he cancelled a few hours before we were supposed to meet.

No big deal, you say. You'll just catch up another time, you say. Chill out, don't worry about it, you say.

Well, I didn't say any of that and it's really hard for me to be blasé about finding a guy. I'm 34 years old and the more time I spend single, the less time I have being with someone.

So, instead of taking the cancellation like an adult, I acted like a child.

I think one of the biggest problems I have is putting more emphasis on the second date.

I've often been asked if I'm nervous or excited as I'm about to meet another new guy for the first time. No, I say. I'm not that excited. Which sounds harsh. But let me explain.

I've been on a few dates of late and with each guy, you go through the motions of telling them about yourself, asking about them and and all the while hoping their answers are going to be interesting enough for you to want to meet up with them. Not to mention there's got to be chemistry and plenty of that I had with this guy.

Now I don't message guys if my end game isn't meeting up with them. It's all well and good to click with someone online, but you need to see if it transcends into real life.

The second date is so much better than the first. I probably have more excitement because I've spent a few hours with this person already and liked what I saw.

You're more comfortable around them, yet still not 100% sure where this thing is going, but that's part of the fun. Afterall, dating is supposed to be fun!

But let me go back to the guy who cancelled. In hindsight I can't change how I reacted to the news - 'cause let's face it, no one likes to be cancelled on. But I think the real reason I was so upset was because I thought I'd left a good enough impression with him that he'd want to see me again. And him cancelling told me I hadn't.

Even though he explained he was staying at home to help his flatmate fix the fence to keep his new dog in (which was quite admirable), all I heard was something more important had come up.

But what you have to remember is, these guys don't owe you anything. Yeah you've had a great date for a few hours one night, but as far as you know, you're just one of a few (many?) they are romancing (but you hope not!).

If I could do things differently, I would have calmed down and not overreacted so badly. I would have rescheduled the date and who knows, I could be sailing through to my third date, or god forbid, my fourth right about now.

1 comment:

  1. Nooooo! Maybe it's worth a contrite "got me on a bad day" appology?!