It's Not Me, It's You

I've come so close to the elusive date #3 I've started to blame myself for not reaching the milestone.

But after some self reflection, and chats with friends, I've decided it's not me, it's them.

And here's why.

I am engaging in my text message (lord knows I ask them enough about themselves), I mean what I say and I'm pretty upfront about wanting to meet them in person.

I like to believe I am the same in person as I am in text. I don't pretend to be something, or someone, I'm not.

I'm not sure if I've been on too many first dates (is there such a thing?) but I know what I want and I'm a good judge of character and usually know within the first half hour to an hour if I like the guy and want to see them again.

I recently went on a first day with a chap from the UK. He was a very good texter. Would reply just about immediately and would answer my myriad of questions and was happy to fire some back at me (tick).

He gave me his number the first night we started chatting through Plenty of Fish. It was the quickest I'd been given a number. We soon moved to the app WhatsApp which shows you the last time the person was online and if they read your messages.

We were messaging everyday and he was the first to suggest a face-to-face which was a nice change because it's always me taking the leap of faith.

So we meet for drinks and hallelujah, he actually looks better than his photos! There's a first for everything. He hugs me and it's like we're old friends meeting for a drink.

Conversation flows easily, there aren't any awkward silences and there are plenty of hints of a date #2. Four-and-a-half hours later we call it a night, he walks me to the taxi, hugs me goodbye and heads home.

I'm in the taxi two minutes and he's texted me saying it was nice to meet me and he looked forward to seeing me again.

Finally, a guy who knows what he wants and isn't afraid to tell you.

Messages go back and forth and we both admit we'd had a good date and wanted to see each other again.

A few days later when we're messaging he asks when he can see me again? Ummm, how about Saturday night?

Not wanting to get caught in the "just drinks" date, he decides we'll head to the Sit Down Comedy Club at the Paddo Tavern in Brisbane. Sounds good. Secretly I was pleased 1) he'd made a decision and 2) he was being proactive about seeing me again. Tick, tick.

Was this too good to be true? Sadly, yes.

So Saturday rolls around and we're meeting at 6.30pm for a drink and quick dinner before a 8pm show. He arrived first and had a drink waiting for me (tick). The comedy show was great, really funny, albeit with a few awkward comments you don't want to hear on a date.

Afterwards we head to a bar for some drinks and before we know it, it's 12.50am and I have to rescue my car (yes, I'd driven) before it's locked in the carpark at 1am.

We both hot foot it out of the bar, rushing to get there before the carpark closes. I'd offered to drop him home (10 mins away) and assumed he'd said yes.

As I'm pushing the button for the lift he's hugging me and saying goodbye. WTF? Goodbye, aren't I dropping you home, I ask?

Nah, I'll just walk.

By this time the lift doors had opened and closed and I had to push the button again. The lift arrives, I look at the guy quizzically and he says bye and starts walking away as the doors close.

I'm standing in the lift wondering what the f**k just happened and at the same time getting flashbacks of my ill-fated "taxi incident" a few months back.

But hang on, this time it wasn't my fault.

I find my car, leave the carpark and on the drive home I get a message from the guy saying thanks for a good night.

I reply when I got home saying you're welcome, hope everything is okay as you left pretty abruptly.

What ensues is an hour+ texting session about how he thought I wasn't interested in him, I was, but was waiting for him to make the first move blah blah blah.

I'd given him a small present earlier in the night - a key ring which doubled as a bottle opener. I'd been at SeaWorld the day before and thought of him and bought the present.

That alone should tell the guy I like him - I don't buy presents for guys on the second date (who am I kidding - I don't buy presents because, chances are, I don't get past the first date!)

I'd also made a passing comment about if my date lasted until midnight, that was a good sign.

I was getting my car at 1am.....this was a good sign.

Anyway, let's fast forward to the next day and the texting is quite forced; he's reading my messages, but taking hours to reply (this was unusual).

We tentatively make plans to catch up on Tuesday, but he messages me about lunchtime that day asking if we can change it to Wednesday night?

Sorry, I can't, I reply. I have plans Wednesday and Thursday, but when are you free, I ask

He replies he's had a chaotic week and to be honest he doesn't know when he'll have time.

Okay, that's a slap in the face. Fair enough he's busy, but if he really wanted to see me, he would.

The next night he messages at 1.30am saying he's had a random night out, got talking to a girl from his hometown in the UK and they ended up going to karaoke together.

Congratulations. For a guy who's just so busy, you sure know how to make time for a total stranger and then you go and tell the girl you've been on a couple of dates with, about it. Nice going, mate.

Needless to say I've deleted his number and won't reply to anymore messages. Not that I'm expecting any though.

And you know what mate? This time it's all you, not me. I am worth somebody going to the trouble of sticking to plans for date #3.

Good luck finding a girl who doesn't think so.