Great first dates

All these years I've been going on dates with the wrong guys. Until now.

I've finally had a first date which is now the standard I expect (and set) when meeting someone for the first time.

This guy made me feel like his intellectual equal. Which I should have been looking for all along, but that's for another day (and another blog post).

We discussed latest news (love), politics (what did I think of New Zealand PM Jacinda Ardern? He breathed a sign of relief when I said I liked her) and of course our dating stories (I soon found out his "bad" dates had nothing on mine).

I'm also big on what someone wears on a first date - first impressions count, and so they should. You might remember my recent date with a hoodie-wearing guy 

This guy was the best dressed I've had for a first date - he wore dress slacks, dress shoes and a long sleeved shirt rolled up (nothing sexier!).

He was a gentleman the whole way.

He was running late and encouraged me to order a drink while I waited (he'd have what I was having).

I was mid-way through ordering a cocktail when he did arrive and his "make that two!" to the waitress surprised me - I'd never been on a date with a guy who enjoyed cocktails, or better still, was keen to go one for one with me.

Our conversation was natural, there weren't awkward silences and before long we were comfortable enough to share our dating stories.

(Note to self, I really should stop sharing mine!)

I quickly realised his weren't as prolific as mine and his "bad" dates came nowhere near what I've experienced in my almost eight years of writing this blog.

It's hard to put into words how much this was a grown up date and it was like my eyes had finally opened and now I knew the types I guys I needed to attract.

I was on a date with a "man" and not a "boy" as I have been so many dates before this.

We shared a few starters, had a few more cocktails and before I knew it almost four hours had passed!

Neither was ready for the night to end so we went for a walk around South Bank and shared a few kisses under the night sky.

As midnight approached we both decided it was time to leave, me calling an Uber and he wondering if any trains were still running.

My Uber arrived quicker than expected (don't they always when you don't want them to??).

I got his number as we'd still been messaging each other on Bumble.

You can't beat the exhilaration you feel when you're on your way home after a great first date. There's nothing like it.

You play it over in your head until your head hits the pillow and even then it's the first thing you think about when you wake.

For once it was a great first date and a great guy.

Here's to more like it!

He's Just Not That Into You (Me)

A number of weeks after my last chat with the matchmaking company I get a call telling me they have a match for me.

I wasn't very excited and didn't hold much hope after their three failed matches.

But I put on a brave face and headed out on a Friday night to meet this guy.

He was cute (enough), dark haired which I don't usually go for.

The setting wasn't great - it was a brewery in the 'burbs and there were kids running around while their parents were oblivious.

But as night fell, the kids (and parents) retired and left us in peace.

It took a good hour for me to relax and feel comfortable around this guy.

The more we chatted the more I realised we were both problem children with the matchmaking company so they thought it best to match us.

You see, we wouldn't have been matched under normal circumstances. He paid top price for his subscription which means the matchmakers were looking at all the female profiles for him.

Whereas I paid the base rate and should only have been matched with guys who paid the same.

But...turns out we'd both complained about the poor matchmaking so much they decided to put us together. 

And it worked...for a short time.

The first date lasted a few hours. He walked me to the car, we both agreed we'd had a good time and were keen to catch up again.

There weren't sparks (these can be overrated) but thought I'd give him a go - afterall they matched us for a reason, right?

Over the next week we were messaging and talking each day (something I don't usually do - talk on the phone with guys I don't know well).

He seemed really genuine. He was the type to send me a message to say he was thinking about me. And it wasn't just a line.

I'd been keen to try a new axe throwing place (yep, you read right) so suggested it for a second date the following week.

Turns out we both had the Friday night free before our axe throwing so I went to his place to watch scary movies (as you do).

Had a good night, I stayed and when I left the next morning he was acting a little off.

We were catching up again to go axe throwing, which we did, but he was still a little off.

The next night I get a very long-winded text telling me he had to be honest with me, he wasn't feeling the attraction, wished he felt different. Said we had great chemistry and got along like a house on fire and could talk for crazy amounts of time but he didn't feel what he was looking for.

And it goes on and on and on.

Said he didn't use me to sleep with me because that couldn't be further from the truth but women always seem to think that.

(Sounds like his M-O).

But that's not the best part. Think my favourite part was when he said he was happy to answer any questions I might have about why he feels like this but at the end of the day he's looking to be happy just like everyone else. He wasn't out to hurt people.

Sounded like he was on a judging panel - happy to answer any questions the audience had.

It took my better judgement not to reply to his message. Didn't acknowledge it all together.

And that my friends, sums up my matchmaking experience.

It'll be fun they said

After three pretty unsuccessful matchmaker dates I decided to call it quits on the last match.

They had done such a terrible job with the others I didn't have any confidence the last one would be any better.

I explained the disappointment I had in their service - I'd spent almost $1000 for four dates over six months and none of the matches came close to what I was looking for.

I told them I could have found better matches myself online dating and I had put hope in their hands.

I think that's what it came down to for me. I was handing over the reins to someone else to find me my perfect match.

And they failed miserably.

The lady I spoke to basically said I was that "difficult" age to match - I was 40, didn't have any children and unlikely wanted any myself.

This combined made it difficult for them to match me.

They had tried to set me up with a 47-year-old balding guy who had a stutter.

Don't get me wrong, any of these things would be okay (apart from the age) but when you put them together it's not the most attractive package.

Guys younger than me who still wanted children would look at my age and be concerned a) I didn't want children or b) I would be too old by the time we had them.

I had an issue being matched with someone so old - I couldn't see myself with a 47-year-old.

We were in a predicament. One could say a standoff.

They tell me I should be looking for someone seven years older (would have been nice to have known this before I signed up...).

Their reasoning was at 47 the guy would either have his own kids or simply wouldn't want any.

They didn't consider I didn't want to be matched with this person.

I am 40 years old and single and this is the best option I'm given by the matchmaker.

I was facing an all-time low in my dating life and for once I wasn't to blame for poor choices.

We came to a mutual understanding - they knew how I felt about the bad matches and I knew it was going to be a tough ask for them to match me with someone decent.

What have I got to lose, I thought?

Why not try one last time?

It'll be fun they said.

We'll see...

A hoodie and running shoes won't get the girl

My first thought was I was so glad I didn't curl my hair for this guy.

Hold on, let me set the scene for you...

It's my second matchmaker date and my hopes are high - they'd done such a dismal job with the first two I was hoping they would redeem themselves.

But my first impression of this third guy didn't get much better from my first reaction.

We agree to meet at the Wheel of Brisbane at South Bank and when I arrive I walk up to the closest guy asking if he was the guy I'm meeting - no he was not.

How embarrassing! This has never happened before (probably because I've seen photos of the guy I know I'm meeting. This is not the case with the matchmaker dates).

I look around and see a much better looking guy (phew)! so I walk up and ask if he is the guy I'm meeting - no. To which he says it must be a popular night for dates.

Surely I didn't get it wrong, again?

I look around for the third time to see a guy I wouldn't have swiped right on.

I walk up to him, sheepishly, and ask if it's him (hoping he's not). He is. Fuck.

After I look at his grey hoodie and running shoes I think to myself I am so glad I didn't curl my hair for this guy.

I mean, I was date ready, but clearly he wasn't.

Maaaate, if you think a hoodie and running shoes is going to get the girls, you've got another think coming.

No to mention the matchmaker said they teach guys what to wear on dates/how to act. This guy clearly didn't the memo.

He was also supposed to have planned the date and booked somewhere (he didn't) so I suggest an Italian place at South Bank in Brisbane.

Instead of going for a casual drink first, I find myself sitting down eating gnocchi at 6.30pm drinking water.

What happened?

Conversation wasn't flowing; I was asking questions, but to be honest, didn't care for the answers.

This guy had worked one job in his adult life and had gone on his first overseas holidays only six months before.

I've done quite a bit of overseas travel and would like my partner to as well (and would hope we would travel together, when borders open).

I got the feeling this guy and I weren't at the same stages in life. He was (only) a couple of years younger than me but he seemed worlds away from what I was looking for in a guy.

I want someone to challenge me, to stand up to me and get out and do stuff with.

This guy didn't have any oomph in him. He couldn't even put any effort into organising a first date.

I don't want to spend time with someone like that.

Another match bites the dust. Let's see how the last one goes.

MAFS matchup

Heading into my second matchmaker date I didn't have much hope it would be any better than the last.

So when I turned up to the date and exclaimed "you look familiar!" to which he responded "I get that a lot" I didn't think much of it.

This guy was not my usual type - his shoulder length, tight curls weren't something I would usually go for.

With the matchmaking service, they don't show you a photo of the person (just give you a description) so you don't really know what they will look like.

He wasn't unattractive.

We get chatting over a few drinks and he hints he's gone to great lengths to meet someone and he's not talking standard online dating.

Finally he admits he was on the 2017 season of Married at First Sight (MAFS) in Australia.

It took me a couple of seconds for me to piece it all together - I had watched the entire season and knew the couples - just had to remember which one he was, and of course his "wife".

My mind was racing - this guy had been on national television and still wasn't successful finding his partner. And he was using a matchmaking service like me.

What hope did I have?

My next thought was, they haven't been able to match him on here - why not? What quirks did he have?

I remember he was a funny, easy going guy on MAFS and also thought it was strange he was on the show.

He wasn't looking for his five minutes of fame, seemed to have good intentions for finding someone and he didn't fit the stereotypical Instagram fame person.

Turns out he wasn't looking for any of that.

He was just your average guy from Queensland looking for love - just like the rest of us.

Only difference was, his experience was being played out - warts and all - on television.

We spent a good deal of time talking about his experiences on the show - I was getting some behind-the-scenes gossip of how it all played out while filming (I was quietly geeking out!).

We stayed out for quite a few hours (nothing unusual for me on a first date if things are going well).

Drinks lead to dinner - we were quite comfortable in each other's company and things were looking up.

MAFS' loss was my gain.

We lined up a second date five days later but he was a little off - he seemed distracted and even took a 10 minute phone call while on the date (tut tut).

We were out for just under two hours (it was a school night so that was fine).

His feedback from the matchmaking service comes back the next day and it was glowing - said he was attracted to me (always a good sign).

I get a call from him the next night saying he'd enjoyed getting to know me but he wasn't sure how to say this but I was attractive, he just wasn't attracted to me.

Well, damn. Nowhere to go from here.

He was trying to explain but there wasn't anything more I wanted to hear. 

The guy isn't attracted to me. It sucks, but at least he had the balls to call me and tell me straight.

My feelings were hurt for a few days, but like all my dating stories, I got back up and brushed myself off.

Two matches down, two to go (fingers crossed!).

Body language will be the death of me

I've wanted to write this blog for awhile now.

It's been quite a few months since my last post (five months) so I thought I'd start 2021 with more consistent blogging.

You see, more than 12 months ago I signed up to a matching making service.

I'd had enough of online dating (I see the irony with the name of this blog!) and thought maybe a professional could find me someone special as I hadn't had any luck.

I'd thought about a matchmaker on and off for a few years and when they did they latest check in, I'd had a really bad first date with a guy and decided why not?

Before I knew it, I'd signed up for six months (and four matches) and was handing over control to someone else to hopefully find my plus one.

I was looking for a happy-go-lucky tradie and if he had a beard, that'd be great!

Let me tell you about my first match.

Oh, before I forget, you don't get shown a photo of your match so basically it's a blind date. When I did sign up they showed me photos of a heap of guys so they could gauge what look I was attracted to.

I was reassured by the matching service the guy makes the plans (which was great because I'm sick of organising everything all the time).

To start with this guy didn't organise where to meet so I had to suggest a meet point.

He turns up wearing a suit and not in that sexy-suit-wearing-kind-of-way. The kind like he didn't have time to get ready after work so went straight from the office.

Or it had been so long since he'd had a first date he had no idea what to wear (turns out he'd been married for over 10 years and divorced for four).

I wasn't attracted to him - in fact wouldn't have given him a second-glance in a line up and certainly wouldn't have swiped right.

So we are wandering around trying to find a place for a drink and finally settle on one. I'm at the bar ordering a vodka and old mate is keen for a lemon, lime and bitters. The bar tender realises we're on a date and asks if he wants vodka with his too as "the lady is having one".

So he was pressured into an alcoholic drink when he only had plans to sit on his soft drink all night.

We get chatting and I quickly realise he's not someone I want to spend hours with (let's be honest - I knew this as soon as I met him but was trying to give him a chance).

He shows me his before and after photos of his 30kg weight loss (umm, this is not first-date stuff) and tells me his mum's had cancer (also not usual first-date chat).

I mean, congrats and all, but you don't tell your date this straight up.

The conversation centred around travel (mainly his) and family (again, mainly his). He didn't ask much about me at all.

I was keen to hot-foot it out of there but was conscious I had to fill out a survey on him (and he on me) after the first date so needed to make sure I wasn't rude or not putting enough effort in (which is hard when you're not interested in the guy).

I thought I'd hidden my body language pretty well but it turns out a friend of mine who just so happened to be walking past us (which I didn't see) messaged and asked if I was on a date? I replied saying it was one of my matches and she could tell I wasn't interested from my body language.

Oops.

And turns out he could too because in his feedback he said he could tell I wasn't interested through my body language and conversation and could also tell I wasn't excited.

Damn.

Oh well, you can't win them all.

One down, three to go.

Keeping your ex in the rear view mirror

Here's a hot tip for you. If a guy says he enjoys your company, run. Run as fast as you can and don't look back.

Up until this point I had hope. Hope this guy (an ex) whom I hadn't seen in two years was back in my life because he realised how much he missed me and hadn't found what we had since breaking up.

As much as I wanted to believe this, there was a niggling feeling telling me this wasn't the case.

People say actions speak louder than words but that wasn't the case this time.

His actions were telling me otherwise.

Let me start at the beginning. A month ago there's a knock at my door at 6.45pm on a Saturday. I was sick at the time (wearing trackies, ugg boots, jumper and no makeup) and wasn't expecting any visitors.

I open the door and standing there is my ex. It's been two years since we've seen each other and he says hi like it was yesterday. We'd had a difficult breakup and never in a million years did I think I'd see him again.

My reactions was a little different ("holy shit!").

He told me he was in the neighbourhood picking up something from Marketplace and he'd tried to message me on facebook but couldn't find me (I smiled - that's because I blocked you, mate!).

I let him in and we chatted. Just like old friends who hadn't seen each other in 10 years. He stayed for four hours. Yep, four hours. It was really good to see he was doing better than when we were together.

He'd changed jobs and seemed to be in a better place. I asked if he was seeing anyone (no) and I got the obligatory "you?" back. Clearly not caring what my answer was.

I told him about a psychic reading I had two years ago (after we had broken up) and how the lady couldn't shut up about him. Said the job he was in was the worst he could have, he had allergies to wheat and starch and dust and mould, the list went on.

Time passes and at 10.45pm he leaves with me thinking I won't see him again.

Of course I was wrong. I was turning 40 the following week and he messaged wishing me happy birthday.

Over the coming week we messaged a bit back and forth, just like it used to be. I was keen to catch up when I was back (I'd headed home for my 40th) and he was free the weekend so it was locked in.

A few hours into the second meet up he tells me there's an ex of his who's back in his life and he'd actually spent time with her two days earlier.

This didn't sit well with me at all. All of a sudden I felt like the other woman. He had not told me about her the last time we saw each other. If he had, there's no way I would have organised another catchup.

And why is he seeing me when he is spending time with another girl? I had so many questions.

I figured I had nothing to lose so I told him more about the psychic reading. The lady said he knew we could have a good life together but he needed to step up.

What I didn't tell him is she said he would get from me what he gets from a friend and he would find a way to keep popping back into my life.

I needed to get rid of him from my life in order for this other guy I'm meant to be with to appear. Apparently things will be a lot easier with this guy and we would be a good match.

But back to the catchup...I had planned on hitting this guy up and asking why he'd popped back into my life but the news of another girl threw me so I just left it.

There's a time and a place.

Cue two weeks later (yesterday) and we catch up. I was determined to get to the bottom of it. I'm like a dog with a bone.

It takes me two hours to find a segway to ask him about this other girl.

I ask if he's seeing someone and he replies "yeah, I'm still seeing Rachel." Right, so this girl has a name.

I then ask what he was feeling towards me and he was trying to throw it back to me and I wouldn't have it.

He finally said he wanted friendship from me. Mate, the way you've been acting is not friendship. I tell him we were never friends; we met on a dating site.

This comes as a shock to him - for some reason he thought I would be okay with this scenario. I was not (and most girls wouldn't be either).

As we are chatting the time is passing and we're getting close to leaving the house to see a movie I booked tickets for an hour earlier.

Of course had I known he was seeing me as a "friend" I wouldn't have said yes to a movie and sitting next to this guy who's flying the FRIENDSHIP flag.

So I put on my big girl pants and sucked it up. I really wanted to see the movie!

He touched my leg a couple of times during the movie as he jumped watching a scene (friendship, I don't think so).

Afterwards, we came back to my house. I still didn't get what I wanted out of him so I attempted another chat.

I asked what this girl would think of him spending time with me and he said he'd told her and she was okay about it.

Ummmm....I would not be okay with it.

This guy has spent a lot of time with me over the past few catchups, acting like we were still a couple (just minus the physical stuff). He was asking about my friends, how my family was doing and sharing in-house jokes with me like old times.

Again, this is not okay.

Mate, you can't do that. You can't lead a girl on and think you're offering more than you are. And you are deluded if you think we were "just friends".

I couldn't believe this guy had taken me for a ride. Again.

But that's the last time. I blocked him (again) on facebook last night and I'm close to blocking his phone number as well.

I've wasted enough time, energy and breathing space on this guy over the past month it's time to put him in the rear view mirror for good.