I never thought compromise would play such a big role in my first serious relationship. Well, ever.
But it has.
A question I've asked myself a lot over the past nine months is do I want to compromise on this, or that?
Am I being too selfish? Do I really need it done this way or should I do it his way or do what he wants?
For compromise to work, you both need to agree to do it. It's no good one of you doing it because you will end up resenting the other.
You also need to decided what you will compromise on and what you won't and this is very important.
There needs to be boundaries and you need to be okay about what you compromise on.
I think this is the biggest issue I've had to face in my relationship. Should I compromise to make him happy or do I compromise for the greater good knowing that in the long term it doesn't really matter.
I have to remember I've lived alone most of my adult life so letting someone in is quite daunting.
So he doesn't wipe up and put away. What's the big deal? He doesn't put things back where he got them? No biggie. He messes up your carefully positioned couch cushions. Good lord. What are you going to do?
So what if these things aren't done like I'm used to? At least I have this guy in my life who has enriched it in more ways than annoying my anal-retentive tendencies.
Fair enough on compromising on the little things but you have to decide on what you won't compromise on.
For me it's basic manners and common courtesy.
Unfortunately (fortunately?) I was brought up with high standards when it comes to manners. I expect them from my friends and my boyfriend.
So much so I had it written in my online profile. I wanted any potential suitors to know what was a priority for me and a deal breaker.
Waiting for someone to finish eating while sitting at the table is a given.
You wait while your girlfriend gets her bag out of the car before you walk off together.
You ask if she wants a coffee.
You don't start watching a movie on tv before she's sitting next to you.
If you're getting a drink, then ask if she wants one too.
There are two Chicos left in the packet - share them with her.
The list can be as long or as short as you make it, but either way you need to choose what you will compromise on and what you won't.
And remember, compromise isn't as simple as saying no.