My latest sojourn in the online dating world hasn't gone so well.
I was ready to close down my online dating profile and I was telling a friend about it when she suggested I write it like an ad - you know - one last chance, all offers accepted, that kind of thing.
I thought it was funny and set about writing the perfect profile to capture the guy - any guy's - attention.
This is what I decided on:
Hi - last chance to make a genuine offer - all offers considered. I'm here for one more week, then I'm closing my account. No returns or refunds. Here's the deal......and I used the rest of my usual profile to pad it out.
I was hoping having a sense of humour might attract a different kind of guy - one who would appreciate my dry sense of humour and would want to contact me.
But it didn't go to plan - while I though it was ingenious, not many others did.
While I eagerly checked my profile to see if there were any new views or messages, I came to the realisation it just wasn't working.
It's a jungle out there without any GPS.
Noone is giving you the navigation directions - you are trying to find your own way through this jungle of photos and profiles which aren't jumping out at you.
I've known this for awhile now, but it wasn't until I tried my 'one week only' catch phrase that I realised it wasn't working. None of my stints on online dating were resulting in any decent men contacting me.
I am all about accepting my faults and realising where I went wrong, but you get to a point where you are just too old to change and too used to the ways things have been.
Let's face it - no guy has come close to me wanting to change.
Each time I chat to a new guy I try a new tact, but it's just not working.
But back to the fire sale...I messaged a guy who had viewed my profile the day I was going to close it. I thought, what the hell, I don't have anything to lose so I messaged him.
He thought I'd already closed my account so hadn't messaged (that was his story anyway) and we had a laugh about how guys weren't finding my profile funny (at least I was!).
He was fitting into this category. The category where guys seem to be too lazy to make the first move - whether it be sending the first message, being the one to ask the other on a date or offering their phone number.
So we chatted for a few days before going on a first date which turned out to be awkward. He sat on a lemon, lime and bitters while I downed two vodkas (and I'm by no means a big drinker).
I'd forgotten my glasses too so I was worried I wouldn't recognise him! Afterall, I only had his profile pics to go on.
Oh, and I forgot to mention he has a kid. First guy I've ever been on a date with who has a child. He showed me pics too...
He was keen to catch up again, but I wasn't. I knew I wasndidn't want to entertain the idea of being with someone who already had children and this guy just didn't excite me.
So now I'm foot loose and let back into the real world - where you meet people in the flesh and strike up meaningful conversations and you don't hide behind a screen on a phone.
Well, that's the plan anyway. Wish me luck.