A little while ago I met this great guy who treated me like I deserved to be treated. For two weeks. Then I got radio silence from him but I'm pretty sure you guys remember how this story ended...
But what you don't know is what happened the last time I saw him. Before, you know, he went MIA.
I'd had a work function to go to and by the time I got to his place, he was already in bed. I had to decided to surprise him with a *ahem* wax and I'd popped in my overnight bag a pair of undies which were loose fitting so they wouldn't be too uncomfortable against my newly waxed nether regions.
I didn't end up wearing them (and he never saw said regions) but I left the undies at his apartment after I'd left for work the following morning.
The annoying thing was, I realised this before I'd even reached my car but I didn't have a key so I couldn't get back into the complex.
Later that night was the last time I spoke to the guy and all the while, in the back of my head, I kept thinking about those damn Bridget Jones undies lurking somewhere in his unit and wondering if he'd already found them.
So as the hours turned into days, then into a week and I stil hadn't heard from him, I secretly thought he'd judged me by my undies and wouldn't want to see me again.
But by god, I was going to get my underwear back! I'd left a few things at his place which I also wanted and when he did speak to me again, I said I wanted all my things returned (but I didn't make a specific mention of the undies).
It took about a month, but I eventually got my things back.
You can imagine my anticipation as I arrive home and see a bag waiting on my doorstep....one of my first thoughts is will my undies be in there??!!
I cautiously open the bag like there's a bomb inside it. I pull out the shampoon and conditioner, containers, toothbrush etc.....and there taking pride of place are my Bridget Jones undies! A wave of relief passes by, then the mortification and humiliation sets in as I realise this guy has seen one of my most unattractive, unflattering bloomers.
But the shame soon turned into annoyance as I see something else in the bag. This guy knew I loved ice cubes and he'd returned a couple of trays we'd bought together, but he'd also added another tray to my collection.
There staring back at me is a penis-shaped ice cube tray. Five little, yes little, penises in a tray.
My first reaction is to smile, this guy knew me well - knew I'd like the ice cube tray but I think his intentions were a little misplaced. Did he honestly think I'd get a kick out of such a thing (no).
But to humour him (or me), I used the tray once, then put it in a bag full of things to go to a charity store. I'm sure someone got a surprise when they opened up the bag...