How I'd like to be remembered

I often think about what would be written on my tombstone.

The key things about me I'd want people to remember me by.

She loved to go the movies and gigs

Made friends easily; always spoke her mind

Never met a matchy-matchy outfit she didn't love (hello earrings!)

Not everyone's cup of tea

Loyal to a fault, always had high expectations of others, and herself

Loved to talk about the weather

Didn't play well with others

Natural blonde.

A friend gave me a small bag a few Christmases ago and on it read: you are my cup of tea.

Never a truer word was spoken. This hit me - she knows me well.

I think about the tombstone messaging a lot actually - how would people remember me or how would I like them to remember me?

I don't waste time worrying about what people think of me usually; but I do think about my actions and being a good person to others.

Brave

I'm often told I'm brave and to be honest, I don't feel it and I'm kinda sick of hearing it.

The things I do come naturally to me.

Noone to go on holidays with? No worries, I'll go by myself.

An acquaintance cancels on a singles mixer? I've already bought my ticket, so let's go solo.

Not enjoying my job? I'll quit.

Nothing seems impossible or out of reach for me.

I don't limit what I can or can't do.

Growing up I was taught, ney told, I can do anything if I put my mind to it.

I've never placed restrictions on myself for what I want or what I can achieve.

I think not having a five or 10-year-plan has helped this. I'm not on any path to any type of life I've imagined for myself.

The only thing I can see in my future is being happily married, living in a house with my husband and my cat Millie. I've told you I'm easy to please!

I don't need a lot to be happy, but I do need to find the little pieces of joy in the things I do.

Finding the joy in the small things

I find myself looking for joy in the tiniest of moments.

A work meeting. Meal prep on a Friday night. Freshly washed sheets. Cut grass. New boots. A good hair day. Dancing around my living room listening to music. Bangin' new outfit. You get my drift.

Instead of waiting to find joy in the big moments I am finding it in the small ones, and boy they are bringing me joy.

You see, I need to feel inspired in whatever I do. I'm not going to be engaged otherwise. And I am easy to please, really.

It doesn't take a lot to make me happy.

I recently attended a singles mixer and I really enjoyed myself, though I kinda knew I would.

Instead of looking at it as a way to meet THE guy, I kept an open mind.

I was going out on a Thursday night.

I wore a new outfit.

I love talking to strangers.

I make new friends easily.

Win-win situation really.

I did get chatting to an occupational therapist for a big chunk of the night and when he left without saying goodbye, or swapping numbers with me, I took a beat.

I was bummed, but it wasn't meant to be. The right guy will want my number and want to see me again. Simple as that.

This guy didn't and that's okay.

Instead, I focused on the great night out I'd had.

I made friends with a lovely lady - exchanged numbers - how old school. She asked if I wanted to grab dinner before the next mixer and that brought me joy.

I think if we can break down the big goals into smaller ones it gives us the opportunity to find little pockets of joy in moments when we're not looking for it.

Imagine how much joy we can experience if we take the pressure off ourselves. Off others. Off situations. Off jobs. Off friends.

Boyfriend privileges

Have you heard of the boyfriend and husband privileges theory?

There are certain things you shouldn't do unless they are your boyfriend or husband.

For example, picking them up from the airport, cooking them an elaborate meal, buying birthday presents, using pet names, helping them pick out what to wear, changing your plans for them, posting pics together. The list is long.

These are gestures some would say are only reserved for someone who is your boyfriend or husband.

I've found myself giving someone boyfriend privileges when they are far from it. Not sure they are even in the same postcode.

And the realisation hit hard.

I'm a caring person and like looking after others - sometimes to my own detriment.

Who is looking out for me? Cooking me dinners? Changing their plans for me? Wanting to hear about my day?

I have confused short-term lust for long-term commitment.

But that stops now.

I've known for a few years I want to get married (but no kids, thanks!). I also know I want the guy to make me a priority, think of me before he makes plans and wants to get out and explore with me.

I shouldn't feel like I don't deserve these normal things.

But somehow I do.

I always downplay my plans to get married (in the next two years please!). I make a joke about it. But I am deadly serious.

I need to stop sitting on the sidelines and get in the game. No one else is going to do it for me.

I'm my biggest advocate, but also biggest critic.

I am ready to feel the magic of love again. It's been far too long.