Not wanting kids and owning it

My last post about the sourdough guy lead to his post about owning not wanting kids.

You see, we were chatting, but he soon asked me the whole "why are you single without asking me why I'm single" question.

He got around it by saying it sounded like I hadn't had much luck with dates like him and why did I think that was?

It wasn't lost on me and I called him out saying I knew he was asking me why I was single without actually saying those words.

To be honest I don't really remember what I said - probably the usual rhetoric about not meeting the right person, blah blah blah.

I then said to him it was my turn to ask an awkward question. In his profile he says he wants kids and in mine it says I don't (I've finally owned not wanting kids in my profile) so I asked how he'd feel being with someone who didn't?

He admitted he'd seen that in my profile and he tells me how fussy he is and how he's decided to basically be with anyone for the time being (them wanting kids or not) until the right woman comes along.

Ummm, mate, I'm not going to keep the seat warm until "the one" turns up for you. I basically told him that.

Bye sourdough guy.

But, alas, this post isn't about him. It's about me at the age of 41 finally feeling comfortable enough to admit in my online dating profile I don't want kids. And I'm okay with that. In fact, I'm better than that.

Don't get me wrong, I haven't really ever wanted kids (except that time I thought I wanted to be a grandma.....anyway!) but I've always said 'open' to kids when the question popped up in my dating profiles.

I've been told the pool is considerably smaller for people like me. It didn't help either when I was early to mid 30s - who would want to date a woman (that young) who didn't want kids?

Shock, horror.

I've always been comfortable in my decision to not want kids - it's always been everyone else who it hasn't sit well with. 

But since I've embraced this life online I've felt much happier with myself.

Now I am seeing profiles of guys in their late 30s/early 40s who (usually) have kids and either want more or don't want more.

As far as I'm concerned it's a win-win. They already have kids and if they don't have anymore with another woman, they are okay with that.

The thing for me is they have to accept my decision.

I'm not closing the door all the way on having a child of my own, however I am 41 and the opportunities aren't really there.

I am open to dating guys with kids.

I think it's also helped to have met friends around my age who also don't want children - it's refreshing to be around them!

So here's to owning the things about us which don't always sit comfortably with others.

Don't let anyone else make you feel bad about your decisions in life.