I Asked My Uber Driver Out

I asked my Uber driver out. I have no shame. 

But for anyone who knows me, this isn't really out of the ordinary. I put myself out there. Always have and hope I always will.

I'd been on a date with a Spanish guy and it was so boring I cut it short after an hour-and-a-half.

I grabbed some takeaway and called an Uber to take me home, all before 9.30pm on a Friday night. Not a good indication of how the date went.

My driver arrives (I'd seen his photo and he looked cute) and I jumped in the front seat and he was asking how my night was and I tell him I was on a date.

He was keen to hear about it and within a few minutes it was just like we were two people driving - not an Uber driver and passenger.

He wanted to hear about the boring date and he confessed he'd only been on three dates in his life (which of course I had trouble believing).

He also ran his own business and gave me his business card with his name and number on it. Said he was 38 and found it was hard to meet girls when he spends his weekends doing Uber.

He wanted to hear more about my date so I indulged him - said I wasn't attracted to the guy and he appeared to be a mummy's boy.

He found this quite funny and I decided to share with him that I write a blog about online dating. He thought I went on dates just to write a blog, but I said it was the other way 'round.

H'd been on Tinder during a recent overseas trip and went on an amazing date but assured me nothing happened. Not that it made any difference to me.

My 20 minute ride comes to an end, we say goodbye and I head inside. About half an hour later I decide to send him a message (I had his business card.). 

I was pretty lame - hi it's Barbara, you've just dropped me home.....I asked if he wanted to go for a drink sometime. I sent him the link to my blog and said here's a laugh and it if you still wanted to catch up after you'd read it, to let me know.

He replied 15 minuted later - said he was keen to catch up and he wanted to warm me he was very cheeky......right. And you don't think I am mate??

There were a few messages back and forth but we never ended up catching up for that drink.

But for the first little while I did take a breath every time I requested an Uber....!

50 First Date Questions

I pride myself on being able to talk to just about anyone so it's a good thing I worked as a journalist for almost a decade.

These skills also come in handy when I'm getting to know someone, but I'm also aware sometimes I can appear to be interrogating them.

I experienced the other side, a rather extreme side, recently with a guy I was chatting to on POF.

We spoke on the phone for the first time for two hours but it was two hours I'm trying to forget.

This guy interrogated me and not in a good way.

He started off with the generic questions like the types of music I listened to, movies I watched and what I did for work.

Then came the hard-hitting ones like when was the last time I was intimate with someone? I pulled him up on this asking why did it matter? It could have been on the weekend.

There was silence and he said "well, was it?". I said it didn't matter when I last had sex.

He asked what size I was (I'm not telling anybody this), did I take any medication (again, this is none of his business), did I like to get dressed up, did I wear makeup??

The whole time I kept pulling him up on the questions and said it was like he had a check list and he was ticking boxes as we were talking.

He was taking it all very seriously, while I was laughing at these ridiculous questions but also trying to lighten the mood.

I asked him if he was a serious guy by nature and he said he was - finding a partner was serious business.

I told him it was supposed to be a fun and exciting time getting to know someone and you don't always find out the answers to your questions straight away.

He then hit with the big one - did I want kids because he doesn't go on a second date with someone who doesn't.

There was silence (as there usually is when someone asks me if I want kids) and he asked again. I used a defensive tone I'm known for and said I didn't know - my profile said I was undecided and that's what I was.

I don't need to explain myself to anyone, let alone justify my decision. I did not like the pressure he was putting on me when I hadn't even met him.

And where does he get off asking so many private, inappropriate questions?

He told me in so many words he has a list of questions he asks a girl before they meet so he can decide whether they should go on a date.

At this stage, we'd already planned to go on our first (and last?) date in two days' time.

I said to him I felt that if I gave him the 'wrong' answer he'd cancel the date. He assured me he wouldn't.

It's hard to really put this experience into words, but it's like I was having an out of body experience and couldn't do anything but sit and watch it unfold.

I was on the phone with this guy for two hours. Why I didn't put a stop to all the questioning earlier, I don't know.

But I finally did with the promise we'd meet each other for our first date in two days' time (even though that already felt like our first date).

I was feeling really uneasy when I got off the phone, so much so, I drafted a text to him to cancel the date, but thought I'd sleep on it first.

I woke up the next day and felt the same and messaged him saying I didn't want to take things further. I said all those questions he asked obviously meant a lot to him but they didn't to me and made me feel uncomfortable. He should be with someone who wants what he wants and I'm not that person.

He replied saying he understood and hoped I found what I'm looking for.

Then three minutes later he messaged again saying he was glad he asked those questions afterall.

Almost like he proved a point.

I refrained from giving him my thoughts on the matter.

So if I've learned anything from this, it's to tread carefully with the questions I ask when getting to know someone.

Sure, I ask a lot of questions, but they're pretty standard like what do you do for fun, do you have brothers and sisters, where was the last place you went overseas blah blah blah.

I certainly don't ask when someone last had sex.

The Long Date with the Short Guy

I've never had an issue about a guy's height because to me, it wasn't a deal breaker. But granted, I usually went on dates with guys who were taller than me. Until now.

I had my first Plenty of Fish date for the year a few weeks ago and it turns out the guy was short. And the date was long, but not in a good way.

We met at a little bar at 3pm one Sunday afternoon. Conversation was easy and before we knew it, we were two drinks in and three hours into what turned out to be a six-hour date. We were enjoying each other's company (or so it seemed). 

We decided to move to another bar and jumped on the City Cat. It was about this time when we were walking down the street I realised how short he was. He brought it up too, even making fun of himself plenty of times.

We're at another bar and I thought the date was going well - we seemed at ease in each other's company and had plenty to talk about. 

We knew about each other's siblings, parents, careers, friends and were comfortable to ask just about anything.

Almost two hours later we're about to leave and we get into some of the deal breakers we each have (don't you just love the heavy stuff people wanted to talk about on date #1?).

I said I wouldn't date someone who did drugs and the conversation comes to a halt. Turns out he does drugs "occasionally". When I asked how often that was, he clammed up and said it depended how he was feeling, but usually every couple of weeks.

He'd lied in his profile (I'm sure a lot of people do) as one of the questions is just that - do you do drugs? But really, who is going to say yes...

We'd spent almost six hours together and at no stage did I think this guy wasn't enjoying himself. Apart from the awkward turn it took at the end.

I had enjoyed myself and I don't stay on a date for that long if I'm not having fun. I don't think anyone should.

I offered to drop him home as he didn't live far from me. He leans over in the car and kisses me on the cheek and can't get out of the car fast enough. That's odd...

We'd been talking about books we were reading and he said to send him a pic of the cover of mine and he'll do the same with his.

I get home, send him the photo and say I had a nice night and would be keen to see where this goes with a decond date.

He replies a few minutes later with the photo of his book. But no message. I thought that was weird, so I got ready for bed. Looked at my phone 20 minutes later and he's sent a long message back.

He said he'd had a lovely afternoon as well, but to be honest he wasn't sure he was what I was looking for in a guy and he didn't want to f**k me around.

I replied the next morning saying thanks for letting me know and all the best. Even though I didn't want to thank him for letting me know. Why couldn't he have just said I had a nice time, but I wanted to leave it there?

Hate when guys say they're not right for me. How do they know what I'm looking for? Certainly wouldn't know after one date.

The thing that annoyed me most was the amount of time we both wasted that Sunday afternoon and the fact he had the perfect chance to end the date after drinks at the first place. Why we continued to the next place for drinks is beyond me.

I don't like wasting time, particularly when it's with a guy who turns out not to be that into me.

Maybe my next date should only go for an hour or two.

**By the way, I have to thank a friend for the headline. She thought it was hilarious when she came up with it!

Underwear Bridget Jones Would Be Proud Of

A little while ago I met this great guy who treated me like I deserved to be treated. For two weeks. Then I got radio silence from him but I'm pretty sure you guys remember how this story ended...

But what you don't know is what happened the last time I saw him. Before, you know, he went MIA.

I'd had a work function to go to and by the time I got to his place, he was already in bed. I had to decided to surprise him with a *ahem* wax and I'd popped in my overnight bag a pair of undies which were loose fitting so they wouldn't be too uncomfortable against my newly waxed nether regions.

I didn't end up wearing them (and he never saw said regions) but I left the undies at his apartment after I'd left for work the following morning.

The annoying thing was, I realised this before I'd even reached my car but I didn't have a key so I couldn't get back into the complex.

Later that night was the last time I spoke to the guy and all the while, in the back of my head, I kept thinking about those damn Bridget Jones undies lurking somewhere in his unit and wondering if he'd already found them.

So as the hours turned into days, then into a week and I stil hadn't heard from him, I secretly thought he'd judged me by my undies and wouldn't want to see me again.

But by god, I was going to get my underwear back! I'd left a few things at his place which I also wanted and when he did speak to me again, I said I wanted all my things returned (but I didn't make a specific mention of the undies).

It took about a month, but I eventually got my things back.

You can imagine my anticipation as I arrive home and see a bag waiting on my doorstep....one of my first thoughts is will my undies be in there??!!

I cautiously open the bag like there's a bomb inside it. I pull out the shampoo and conditioner, containers, toothbrush etc.....and there taking pride of place are my Bridget Jones undies! A wave of relief passes by, then the mortification and humiliation sets in as I realise this guy has seen one of my most unattractive, unflattering bloomers.

But the shame soon turned into annoyance as I see something else in the bag. This guy knew I loved ice cubes and he'd returned a couple of trays we'd bought together, but he'd also added another tray to my collection.

There staring back at me is a penis-shaped ice cube tray. Five little, yes little, penises in a tray. 

My first reaction is to smile, this guy knew me well - knew I'd like the ice cube tray but I think his intentions were a little misplaced. Did he honestly think I'd get a kick out of such a thing (no).

But to humour him (or me), I used the tray once, then put it in a bag full of things to go to a charity store. I'm sure someone got a surprise when they opened up the bag...

I Asked a Married Guy Out

I asked a married guy out, but it's not as bad as it sounds. Really. I need to go back 12 months to put it all into perspective.

A year ago an electrician was at my house installing two ceiling fans. There were a few glitches with the fans so he was here a few times, enough for us to chat and find out a little bit about each other.

Those who know me well know how much I'm a sucker for a tradie so imagine my delight when I think this one might like me.

I knew he was going to Japan for a ski holiday in February, I knew his sister had planned their Christmas party (which was that weekend) and that when he left my place on a Friday night he was going home to have a beer and do some paperwork.

I didn't hear him say he was going home to see his WIFE.

We'd been chatting two or three times and I swear we had two "moments". You know what I'm talking about - the moment you both stop talking and there's a silence and you're not sure who will talk first or even if the other person is thinking what you're thinking. I thought he was, but turns out he wasn't.

So after these moments I decided to take a leap of faith. He'd wanted me to let him know how the fan went so I text him on the Saturday just after lunch. Not too late as he'd said he was turning his phone off for the two weeks over Christmas and I didn't want to chance him not getting my text for two weeks.

So I messaged saying the fan was working (one of them was faulty) and if he was ever free for a drink, to let me know.

Nothing. Minutes turned into hours which turned weeks into months and soon I forgot all about it. This was just another strike of me putting myself out there and not getting anything back.

I figured I wouldn't see him again. I was back online dating so had plenty of other suitors to keep me occupied.

Until last month when said fan was playing up and his company was called to investigate. Great, just great.

Last time I had dealt with him directly - he'd called or messaged - but this time I got a text from a woman saying they'd send someone around to look at the fan. I didn't think much of it, expected he must be too busy now to make the calls.

They got the keys from my real estate and replaced said fan while I was at work and that was the end of that.

I caught up with my property manager before Christmas - I'm in the habit of giving her chocolates each Christmas to say thank you and - at the same time decided to suss out who this woman was, just out of curiosity.

I played dumb and said I'd gotten a message from a woman about the fan....*cough....*hint* and she's like that's his wife.

Ahhhhhhhhh, what???????

I'm sure the colour drained from my face. My first thought was I asked a married guy out! How did that happen??? I think I'm pretty good at reading people and I certainly didn't get the vibe he had a wife and kids (probably) at home and at no point did he mention a wife, missues or partner to get home to.

As the hours passed I went over our conversations (which were now 12 months old) and tried to think if he'd said anything about her. He didn't but I feel like such a twat that I was THAT GIRL.

A friend recently said his wife might be the type the read his phone messages. That's just great, thanks, I hadn't thought of that.

I know you're all wondering what happened with the new fan?? Well, as I sit here typing the overhead click click click sound is driving me crazy. The faulty fan has to be replaced (again) and I'm at home for the next few weeks so there's a good chance I'll see this electrician in the flesh.

Just fabulous.

Boring With a Capital B

I had a boring date the other weekend. Now, don't feel sorry for me because I've had more than my fair share of good ones so I guess it was time for a bad one.

I wasn't getting a good vibe from this guy in the lead up to our meet 'n greet. He was a terrible texter and I don't just mean he replied with a couple of words. Sometimes he wouldn't reply until the next day

This makes it really hard to get to know someone and keep a conversation going when hours go by and they haven't replied.

After a couple of weeks we'd organised to meet up but I had to cancel when I lost my voice and could hardly talk. Now I hate being cancelled on at the best of times so a lame "I'm sick, can we reschedule?" text wouldn't have cut it for me so I gave him the courtesy of a call.

(Not to mention my lack of voice cemented I was really sick).

We chatted for about half an our (which I was surprised with due to his terrible texting ability). The conversation itself wasn't the best as I could hardly talk and every second sentence he's like "sorry, what did you say?".

Forward another week and our date night had finally arrived. I arrived early and he was late. He caught the train and jumped off at the wrong stop so I sat drinking by myself until he arrived.

Now this guy's photos were all different so I wasn't exactly sure what he would look like. Unfortunately he looked a lot older than his five years on me and I couldn't stop staring at his grandpa white Bonds single poking out the top of his shirt.

Apart from neither of us drinking beer, wine, tea or coffee, we didn't have much more in common. Our conversation was so boring we were talking about what he ate for morning tea at work (boiled eggs on rye toast for $6.50 from the cafeteria).

I'm not a big cook myself so one of the traits I look for in a guy is someone who can cook. This guy was quite proud to tell me he hadn't cooked a meal in two years.

When he didn't text back frequently I started to take it personally, but after spending three hours with the guy I realised he just can't be bothered. Can't be bothered to message back, can't be bothered to cook, just can't be bothered to make an effort.

During our date we bar hopped to four places and each time we left the last place I was planning my escape. I was even messaging a friend telling her how boring it was and I wanted to leave.

But there in lies the problem. How do you leave without hurting their feelings? If I'm honest with myself, the majority of dates I've been on, the guys has been the one to make the move to leave first, rather than me. Probably because I'm always enjoying myself and want the date to go on.

But this guy was boring with a capital B.

After too many awkward silences I decide to leave. He's mid-drink so I figure this is my time to go. I considered waiting until he'd finished, but then I didn't want that awkward-end-of-date-moment when we walk out together and stand awkwardly at the taxi rank. So I did the really mature thing of making my run for it when he's still got a drink to finish.

It's not nice, I know, but I'd stayed about an hour-and-a-half longer than I'd wanted so I said I was going to go home, gave him a hug and left.

I thought he got the hint I wasn't keen, but he sent a very generic 'how did you pull up after last night?' text the following day. I waited 24 hours to reply (he still didn't get the hint) and my message was very non-committal.

I thought our very average date spoke for itself. Apparently it didn't.

How a date out-stalked me!

As my close friends know, I love a good stalk. Doesn't everyone??

I recently met my match - I'd lined up my first date since that guy left me hanging after deciding "he wasn't feeling it".

I'd been chatting to this new lad for a week and a half before we met and things started slowly at first (which sometimes happens). Once he was a little liquored up, he relaxed and admitted to me her knew where I worked.

By this stage I thought it was strange he hadn't asked me where I worked (I don't volunteer this info - I want the guy to actually be interested in knowing the answer). So when I did tell him, he fessed up saying he already knew........

Ummmmmm, how?

Then he tells me about how it was really his sister's fault....

I forgot to mention, I'd closed my online account one night after we'd been chatting and he'd given me his number. I sent him a online message saying I was closing my account, I had his number and would be in touch...(that was the nice thing to do, right?).

He woke up the next morning (I'd sent the message quite late) to a notification I'd sent a message but he couldn't read it. Apparently when you close your account, noone can read your message (note to self).

He goes and meets his sister for breakfast and explains his predicament after she asked if was chatting to anyone online at the moment.

He said he'd been chatting to this one girl, but she'd closed her account and she'd sent him a message, but he couldn't read it.

She does the next logical thing: Googles! She typed in my name and journalist and the first hit was my LinkedIn profile.

Is this her, she asks, showing him a photo of me along with my work history?
Yep.

So in one quick step he not only knew where I worked, where I'd worked and what my surname was so now he could stalk me on Facebook!

This is a first for me - I'm the one who cyber stalks a date - it was a weird feeling having the tables turned. But it was quite refreshing to know other people stalk and there's nothing to be ashamed of!

My date even questioned me about a certain profile photo of me with a guy (it was my brother).

It's just a shame we didn't see each other after our second date.

He sent me a polite "thanks, but I don't want to take things further" text. At least he had the decency to tell me and not leave me hanging for a week..