Boring With a Capital B

I had a boring date the other weekend. Now, don't feel sorry for me because I've had more than my fair share of good ones so I guess it was time for a bad one.

I wasn't getting a good vibe from this guy in the lead up to our meet 'n greet. He was a terrible texter and I don't just mean he replied with a couple of words. Sometimes he wouldn't reply until the next day

This makes it really hard to get to know someone and keep a conversation going when hours go by and they haven't replied.

After a couple of weeks we'd organised to meet up but I had to cancel when I lost my voice and could hardly talk. Now I hate being cancelled on at the best of times so a lame "I'm sick, can we reschedule?" text wouldn't have cut it for me so I gave him the courtesy of a call.

(Not to mention my lack of voice cemented I was really sick).

We chatted for about half an our (which I was surprised with due to his terrible texting ability). The conversation itself wasn't the best as I could hardly talk and every second sentence he's like "sorry, what did you say?".

Forward another week and our date night had finally arrived. I arrived early and he was late. He caught the train and jumped off at the wrong stop so I sat drinking by myself until he arrived.

Now this guy's photos were all different so I wasn't exactly sure what he would look like. Unfortunately he looked a lot older than his five years on me and I couldn't stop staring at his grandpa white Bonds single poking out the top of his shirt.

Apart from neither of us drinking beer, wine, tea or coffee, we didn't have much more in common. Our conversation was so boring we were talking about what he ate for morning tea at work (boiled eggs on rye toast for $6.50 from the cafeteria).

I'm not a big cook myself so one of the traits I look for in a guy is someone who can cook. This guy was quite proud to tell me he hadn't cooked a meal in two years.

When he didn't text back frequently I started to take it personally, but after spending three hours with the guy I realised he just can't be bothered. Can't be bothered to message back, can't be bothered to cook, just can't be bothered to make an effort.

During our date we bar hopped to four places and each time we left the last place I was planning my escape. I was even messaging a friend telling her how boring it was and I wanted to leave.

But there in lies the problem. How do you leave without hurting their feelings? If I'm honest with myself, the majority of dates I've been on, the guys has been the one to make the move to leave first, rather than me. Probably because I'm always enjoying myself and want the date to go on.

But this guy was boring with a capital B.

After too many awkward silences I decide to leave. He's mid-drink so I figure this is my time to go. I considered waiting until he'd finished, but then I didn't want that awkward-end-of-date-moment when we walk out together and stand awkwardly at the taxi rank. So I did the really mature thing of making my run for it when he's still got a drink to finish.

It's not nice, I know, but I'd stayed about an hour-and-a-half longer than I'd wanted so I said I was going to go home, gave him a hug and left.

I thought he got the hint I wasn't keen, but he sent a very generic 'how did you pull up after last night?' text the following day. I waited 24 hours to reply (he still didn't get the hint) and my message was very non-committal.

I thought our very average date spoke for itself. Apparently it didn't.

How a date out-stalked me!

As my close friends know, I love a good stalk. Doesn't everyone??

I recently met my match - I'd lined up my first date since that guy left me hanging after deciding "he wasn't feeling it".

I'd been chatting to this new lad for a week and a half before we met and things started slowly at first (which sometimes happens). Once he was a little liquored up, he relaxed and admitted to me her knew where I worked.

By this stage I thought it was strange he hadn't asked me where I worked (I don't volunteer this info - I want the guy to actually be interested in knowing the answer). So when I did tell him, he fessed up saying he already knew........

Ummmmmm, how?

Then he tells me about how it was really his sister's fault....

I forgot to mention, I'd closed my online account one night after we'd been chatting and he'd given me his number. I sent him a online message saying I was closing my account, I had his number and would be in touch...(that was the nice thing to do, right?).

He woke up the next morning (I'd sent the message quite late) to a notification I'd sent a message but he couldn't read it. Apparently when you close your account, noone can read your message (note to self).

He goes and meets his sister for breakfast and explains his predicament after she asked if was chatting to anyone online at the moment.

He said he'd been chatting to this one girl, but she'd closed her account and she'd sent him a message, but he couldn't read it.

She does the next logical thing: Googles! She typed in my name and journalist and the first hit was my LinkedIn profile.

Is this her, she asks, showing him a photo of me along with my work history?
Yep.

So in one quick step he not only knew where I worked, where I'd worked and what my surname was so now he could stalk me on Facebook!

This is a first for me - I'm the one who cyber stalks a date - it was a weird feeling having the tables turned. But it was quite refreshing to know other people stalk and there's nothing to be ashamed of!

My date even questioned me about a certain profile photo of me with a guy (it was my brother).

It's just a shame we didn't see each other after our second date.

He sent me a polite "thanks, but I don't want to take things further" text. At least he had the decency to tell me and not leave me hanging for a week..

Two Sides

There are two sides to every story, so here is mine.

I jinxed myself after my last blog. Things went south about as quickly as they escalated with that guy I'd met online. One minute I was happy in the new stages of meeting someone, then all of a sudden I'm sitting at home wondering what happened and what went so wrong.

Somehow I went from the girl he would have a smile on his face for when he answered the door or his phone, to the person he didn't take calls from. I became THAT girl.

He dodged my calls and texts for a week before he finally replied. I had no idea what had happened and went though all the logical explanation as to why I deserved this radio silence.

Maybe he'd lost his phone or hooked up with a former flame? Or he went away for the weekend and forgot to message?

But whatever I (and my very loyal friends) came up with, I knew deep down something had happened and he'd changed his mind.

I mean, if a girl calls you and invites you over for dinner, you go right? You like her, you go to dinner. You don't leave her hanging wondering what went wrong.

A few friends suggested my blog post scared him off? I find that hard to believe because he was the one encouraging me to write another one (about him) and if we're being honest, he was being more full on than me in the short time we'd known each other.

But either way, I didn't deserve the radio silence he gave me. No one does. Why can't he (and all the other people who are too scared to someone how they really feel) just man up, get some balls and do the adult thing. Take responsibility and don't try to blame someone else.

No one can fault you for how you feel, but they can feel really shitty about they way you've treated them. And I didn't deserve that.

I've always said I can make myself feel bad enough, I don't need someone else to do it for me.

So here's to more blog posts and to people treating me like I matter!

364

You're probably wondering what the 364 refers to?? Well, apparently that's the number of dates I've had in the three-and-half years I've been single. There must be a few blog posts missing then...

My last date thought it would be funny to calculate how many dates I'd been on, but he didn't factor in that I was only online dating for three to four months at a time and I wasn't on it the whole time I was single...but anyway, it provided a few laughs (and still does) during our first date.

I say first date because there's been a second and a third and a fourth...!

But let me start at the beginning. I had taken a break from online dating for a few months. My strike rate was getting worse and I was approaching my five-week Europe holiday so I had decided to give it a rest.

However, while contemplating life (as you do on holidays) I decided I had one 'stamp' left so I'd give it my best shot and jump online for one last time. If I was going out, it would be with a bang!

Within a day of being back online, I get a message from this guy, a tradie, who gave me his number in his first message and said he wasn't much of a texter and he believed you learnt more by saying hello.

He also said he could tell on a first date if he liked someone or not (where was he during my third date "it's not you, it's me and my work" excuse??).

I replied to his message saying he didn't even know my name, I could be a stalker for all he knew! I didn't expect anything back but props to him, I got one.

He told me a little more about himself and said he was working until 1pm (it was a Saturday) and I had his number.

So I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt so I text him, then we later chatted and decided to meet that night (again, another first. Meeting up with someone so quickly).

And this is when the comedy of errors started. We'd planned to meet at 7.30pm and my brother was going to drop me off. But 15 mins before our date I find out my brother's dog had rolled in something and he was stuck at home washing him.

I call for a taxi but know I'm not going to make my date in time. I message saying I'm waiting for a taxi. No worries, he was cool. The taxi arrives and I soon realise we're going to get stuck in traffic as there's a game on at The Gabba so I'm in the back of the taxi updating my date about my predicament.

I couldn't have been more textbook First Date 101 even if I tried. But I realise all these things are going wrong and he still wants to meet me.

I was trying to be funny while he waited for me and said I hoped he wasn't out in the cold as I was stuck in traffic and could be awhile. The last text he sent was "you're shit". I figured he was joking, so didn't reply.

I finally jump out of the taxi, almost 20 minutes late, and it dawns on me I'm at the wrong ferry stop! I call my date and he asks me something about the taxi (basically making fun of my excuses) and I have to tell him I was at the wrong ferry stop.

How could this date be so cliche???!

He was a good sport and laughed and soon we were meeting for the first time in the dark on a foot path by the river...

Luckily this broke the ice and we could have a good laugh. We're near the next ferry stop and see a ferry approaching and we both run for it - and make it. But soon realise we're heading in the wrong direction! It didn't matter. We rolled with it and jumped off at South Bank instead.

I don't think I've been on a date like this before. There wasn't any awkwardness, I didn't have to think about if I liked this guy (I'd liked him from the first phone call) or wonder how nervous each of us was.

There was an ease about our date where we didn't have to try too hard to make it work.

We're soon tossing back a couple of drinks and make friends with a waiter called Javier who wants us to have tequila shots (we do). We run into a buck's night and my date convinces the drunk guys I'm a stripper!

I told my date about my online dating blog, hence my nickname of 364. He couldn't work out if he was 365 or not. Somehow he was getting everything right. Complimenting me, telling me he didn't think he'd have a good date and was surprised how it was turning out.

He kept asking why I was single? Said I was hot and seemed like a intelligent person. If I knew that answer, I wouldn't be single.

He was pretty confident from the get go though. Said that maybe I'd had my last first date.

About half-way through the night he wanted to see my drivers licence. I showed him and he proceeded to insult my photo. Said I looked like a crack dealer! I said it went well with ice (I'd told him how I loved lots of ice in my drinks).

This guy has the ability to compliment me and insult me in the same breath. He said I had lovely soft hands and nice fingers, then says my fingers look like frog's fingers.

He says he can't believe I'm single, then follows it up with how he's waiting for the penny to drop. There must be something wrong with me...

I wore a bright red trench coat on the date and he said I looked like a stop sign, but it made him stop.

He's keen to take the prize for the longest date and it was around 2am when we leave. We meet for breakfast the next morning and end up spending the entire day together and we've seen each other almost every day since!

This guy loves to get out and explore (we've already been to a national park) and like me, was needing someone to do these things with.

We still challenge each other though - there's a lot of banter and we don't always agree on everything. But that's half the fun of getting to know someone.

I find myself making plans for weekends down the track and I even bought two Florence and the Machine tickets for a November concert. That's how good I feel about his one and I'm fairly confident this guy may just be my last first date.

He closed his profile a day after our first date and I closed mine two days after.

Here's hoping this will be my last blog, at least for the time being. Good luck to all the other single girls out there - remember you deserve to be treated like you matter. I waited for someone and it was worth it.

All Dressed Up and Nowhere To Go

All dressed up and nowhere to go. Kind of.

I had a date planned for tonight and up until half an hour ago, we were meeting at 7pm and the guy was looking forward to meeting me.

Something changed because he text saying can we reschedule for Wednesday night? I said I had plans Wednesday, then he suggested Monday and then I was honest and said nothing personal, but I'd been cancelled on one too many times, I'm sure he had his reasons, but let's just leave things.

His reply? Okay, if you change your mind, let me know.

Obviously I didn't leave that good an impression on him for him to be so blase about me saying let's just forget it.

I am pissed off I've been cancelled on (again), but at the same time, I'm not. You remember that guy I recently wrote about who cancelled our second date to help his flatmate fix the fence? I was gutted when he cancelled because I was really looking forward to seeing him again.

But this guy, I wasn't even excited to meet him for the first time. I almost tried talking myself out of the date to start with, but a good friend convinced me to give it a go. And so I was.

I've also been trying hard not to let these small dating hiccups get to me as much as they did, but I don't think I'm having that much luck.

I wish someone could explain to me why it's so easy for guys to cancel on a girl? It's a first date. This is not a good example to set, especially when you haven't even met.

Is it a case of something else, or someone else, coming up and he got a better offer? I've always followed through with plans, I've rarely cancelled and my friends know they can rely on me.

How do I then try and weed through these online dating profiles to find one who WILL NOT CANCEL ON YOU?

I wouldn't have thought it too much to ask.

Over the past couple of weeks I've been thinking my dating stint (this time) is coming to an end. I am chatting to two other guys (I'm interested in one). Think I might see where that leads, then say bye bye to RSVP for now.

My heart's been in it, but I don't think the guys are all that interested anymore. I had a good run for awhile there.

Oh, and did I mention I'd gone to the hairdressers today and my hair looks great?!?!

All dressed up and nowhere to go...

Go With Your Gut

Just because a guy has an online dating profile, it doesn't necessarily mean he's ready to date you.

This is the harsh truth I've come face-to-face with recently.

The last guy I talked about, the one who cancelled on me, then we had a second and third date? It all came to an end on Monday when I messaged him. I hadn't heard from him since our last date so I contacted him (clearly he wasn't going to message me).

Turns out he'd been (too?) busy at work and he wasn't doing well with the work/life balance.

This is an all-too familiar reason/excuse I've been getting, but this time I actually believe it.

During our last date he seemed too preoccupied with work to really enjoy our date or get to know me more.

I was getting a gut feeling I was only one date away from the "it's not you, it's my work" excuse and it seems I was right.

I guess if I really look at it objectively, my gut feeling about him cancelling on our second date was right...he just wasn't that into me.

It's hard to hear this, especially when the last three guys have used the same excuse.

My first question is why? Why are you on a dating website to start with if you don't have any intention on meeting a girlfriend and why have you gone on one, two and sometimes three dates with me if you're just not into me?

Not only are you wasting my time, but yours as well.

I've always said I see online dating as a last resort. I've exhausted all the other means of meeting people. I'm 34 and was looking down the barrel of eternal singledom, I wanted to do something about it.

So here I am. Putting myself out there, time and time again in the hope I'll find someone who likes me for me, doesn't want to change me, is willing to do normal date things like movies, dinner and drinks and best of all, someone who wants to travel as much as I do.

You wouldn't think I was asking for much, now would you?

Bu I guess the fact I'm a girl who knows what she wants is enough to deter some guys.

You might ask, am I going for the same types of guys? Maybe I need to look at someone different?

That would be fine, but I don't actually have a "type". All the guys I've dated have been different.

Brown hair, blonde, tall, short, their jobs have ranged from electricians, chefs, corporate, FIFO workers...

For now I'll soldier on and keep you updated.

The Perks of Dating

I've taken a philosophical look at dating over the past couple of weeks.

Sure, I enjoy going on dates and meeting new people, but along the way I've also picked up some pretty cool things.

I think the top of the list would be a second chance by the last guy I wrote about.

Turns out he read the blog post I wrote about him and he was prepared to give me a second chance.

We went on a second date and it was just as good as the first, if not better.

The chemistry was still bursting out and we managed another marathon session of getting to know each other (eight and a half hours later....).

The second coolest thing I've been given on a date is a bottle of vodka! I'd organised the date - a ghost tour of an old gaol and the guy was that impressed I'd taken the initiative to do something different, he bought me a bottle of alcohol.

A good friend of mine helped me polish it off long after the guy decided I wasn't the one for him.

I've been given chocolates - fancy Haighs chocolates from Adelaide. I'm kinda glad I don't appear to be the usual flowers girl though (although I do love 'em).

I guess the next one to receive an honourable mention would be the guy from the awkward date last year who turned up with four passion fruit! He'd spoken of his passion fruit vine and how he loved to make passion fruit cheesecake. I mention I like passion fruit, then presto I'm given these fruits after probably the most awkward date I've ever been on.

I didn't eat them for days for fear they were poisoned. I even gave two to my mum (nice, hey??) and after awhile decided to try them myself.

And they were some of the tastiest I'd ever eaten!

All jokes (and fruit aside) I guess the biggest thing guys give me on dates is time. It's a few hours (or more if the date's going well) of their time they're never going to get back. Ever.

But is guess I only think of it like that when the date doesn't go well. If I'm out with a guy and I'm really enjoying myself, I'm not worried how late it is. Being a night owl has something to do with it, but also you lose track of time when you're with someone worthwhile. And you can't put a price, or time frame on that.