Uber communication

A 20-minute Uber ride has restored my faith again.

I received more communication from my Uber driver who was 7 mins away from pickup, than I've had from any guy in my orbit over the past six months.

As I was waiting for said Uber, the driver messaged to let me know he was a few minutes away.

I had to look twice at my phone.

Who was this guy willingly communicating with me? This was an unusual feeling.

I replied, saying I was waiting at the pickup spot and he arrived shortly after.

He lifted my suitcase into the boot (thank you!) and he started chatting once I was in the back seat.

I'd just arrived back in Brisbane from a weekend trip away and wasn't my usual chatty chatty self with strangers. I just wanted to get home to my cat and bed.

Yet, somehow I still managed to find out pretty much this guy's story highlights.

Which included:

• He's been single 2.5 years
• He has three kids (4, 9, 11?)
• He's from NZ, moved to Brisbane 24 years ago for a girl (who he'd dated for three months, then lasted a further four once they arrived in AUS)
• He drives Uber when he doesn't have his kids (but he can take a couple of nights off - wondering if he said this for my benefit?)
• He pays $800 a week for a two-bed unit
• His day job is a draftsman in the construction industry
• He doesn't feel the cold (again, NZ)

He did ask if I had kids - no.

He also asked what I did for work and I told him, even naming the company.

I was considering asking if he wanted to go for a drink - but I wasn't sure if I was reading into this and honestly him having a four-year-old freaked me out! Waaaay too young.

Either way, this brief, 20-minute interaction has put a pep back into my step.

I don't think I was meant to meet this Uber driver to date him, rather to show me I need to get back out there again and it's not as scary as it seems.

And as my friend says, I've still got it! So that's reassuring to know.

The magic of love is just around the corner - I can sense it.

P.S. I should probably mention he was cute and mid-40s!

Breathe Again

For the first time in months I feel like I can breathe again.

You know those big, deep breaths that don't have the weight of the world hanging onto them?

The heavy cloud that's been there has finally lifted.

I've done the hard work, had the hard conversations with myself and decided that short relationship wasn't going to define me or define my 2026.

As a good friend said "a three-week interlude isn't going to bring you down!"

Amen to that.

I've been a hermit these past few months.

Sure, I'm still seeing the occasional friend, going to movies, gigs and walks, but I haven't actually been doing anything new or exciting.

I haven't done anything exciting in months, if I'm honest with myself.

There wasn't anything I was afraid to try.

That's always the key - things that scare you are often the best things for you.

I am going to sit in the scary for a bit.

I'm going to get out more.

Put myself out there.

Enjoy life again.

And see what happens.

My turn will come and the magic of love will find me again, even perhaps when I least expect it.

An ode to the short relationship that was

To the guy who stole my heart from the first date on the first day of 2026.

I had hope. Hope things would be different this year. Hope the date with this guy from an app would be worthwhile.

I was underprepared for the date, which was unlike me.

I eat first dates for breakfast!

Earlier in the day I'd been thinking of rescheduling - I wasn't feeling well - thought I was coming down with a cold.

However, it's not in my nature to cancel, and especially not a first date, so I didn't.

Little did I know at the time that short, informal date would kickstart a whirlwind two-week romance neither of us saw coming and both thought would be long-term (or at least that's what he lead me to believe).

The guy did all the right things to make me feel secure.

He messaged after the first date saying he'd loved getting to know me and appreciated I wasn't feeling great, yet still met him.

The clincher? He told me I looked incredible.

Yet I hadn't made my usual effort as I wasn't feeling myself.

From the start of this relationship, things were different for me.

Walls fell as quickly and the days passed.

We talked on the phone after our second date - the uncomfortableness I usually feel didn't even factor in.

He even admitted he, too, gets awkward on the phone and said we could stumble through together.

Those quiet, reassuring words meant so much to me at the time.

Unbeknown to me, this guy was seemingly slipping through all the walls I've had up from my numerous dating fails in the past.

Which he was aware of as I'd mentioned some of them and he'd read a few of my beloved blog posts (hi!).

He handled things like a pro. He called when he said he would, he'd message each morning, hold car doors open and happily plan our dates.

Even through in the casual "in winter" remark which made my heart skip several beats as that was months away.

I was never anxious around him, I knew where I stood with him, or thought I did.

Each step felt right, it didn't feel rushed.

Neither of us was doing or saying things we thought the other wanted to hear.

In two short weeks (with the promise of many, many more) I'd gotten to know this guy deeper than my two previous relationships.

I was secure.

I was content.

I was happy.

I was planning a future with this guy.

But after a couple of things happened that were out of our control, cracks started to appear.

This guy who'd put his best foot forward for two short weeks was suddenly backtracking faster than you could say boyfriend.

Which I'd referred to him as and me, girlfriend.

It was if the words left a stale taste in his mouth, but he couldn't actually speak those words to me.

This guy whom I thought I knew and understood was a stranger to me.

That slow fade, then the ghosting.

The courtesy and gentlemanly old-school values he once showed was a far cry from the guy he'd turned out to be.

Was he a pro at this? Did he make a life of manipulating women's hearts for fun?

Did he get a kick out of it?

That's something I will never have an answer to.

But I am thankful to him for showing me there are guys who want to plan dates, treat a woman like a lady, love chatting to them on the phone for hours at a time and will drive a couple of hours for lunch just because she felt like getting out of the city.

Even though these things were very short-lived with him, I will appreciate when the real thing does come along and stay for more than a few short weeks.

It will be a lifetime of commitment to one another and I will never second guess how important I am to them ever again.

The magic of love slipped through my fingers this time, but it's not too far out of the frame.

Things aren't always as they seem

Things aren't always as they seem. They rarely are.

You see, the guy I've been happily blogging about hasn't actually been the person I've been happily blogging about.

As women, we try to make sense of what's happened. Did I miss the signs, did he really say those things or did I imagine it, was it me? Could I have done something differently?

The list is endless.

But this time (for once) I can hold my head high and know it wasn't my actions that changed, it was his.

I was my most authentic self I've ever been around a guy. This in itself can be quite confronting - not having someone continue to respond to your openness like they had previously.

I felt extremely comfortable sharing with him and talking to him about anything and he did the same with me.

That's what made him stand out from the other guys.

But something changed with his communication and he no longer felt comfortable to talk to me about it.

As you can imagine, this left me with a lot of questions. Many of which I still don't have the answer to.

Recently I had to fly back to Cairns unexpectedly and he was coming with me - had his flight booked and everything.

At the last minute, there was a family emergency and he couldn't come.

And by last minute, I mean 12 hours before we were flying.

During the four days I was home with my family, he wasn't there for me. I expected more, especially because the guy he'd shown me for the first few weeks of dating would have been there for me.

Once I got back to Brisbane, things were still off. 

He was preoccupied with family stuff. He didn't prioritise me or my needs.

Everything had changed with him and I started wondering what had happened.

One minute he's telling me I look cute in a selfie I sent him, the next he's dodging my calls and not responding to my text messages.

I was in a familiar place, once again.

One I thought I was never ever going back to.

Things were going at lightning speed for both us. He wasn't further along than me. He didn't love bomb me as some friends has suggested. We both saw each other together for the long-term.

But things changed and he no longer practiced what he preached. His actions no longer matched his words and it left me wondering where I stood in the relationship.

This is not something I ever want to find myself questioning, especially with him.

Things happen for a reason

I'm a big believer in things happening for a reason.

I don't always know why at the time, but eventually I do.

I've jumped headfirst into 2026. I've experienced the highs - and lows - over four weeks.

The thing I've been searching for for a long as I can remember is here.

And I couldn't be more surprised.

I've met someone who not only sees me for who I am and likes it, but is not afraid of the strong, independent woman I am.

In fact, that's one of the things that attracted him to me.

After awhile you start to believe the rhetoric you're told.

I'm too much.

I ask too many questions.

I shouldn't expect someone to text me back or call me back like I do.

I've somehow become that girl whose name flashes on the phone screen, but her calls and texts are never returned.

I've questioned myself time and time again. 

Am I asking too much of this guy?

Shouldn't he want to spend time with me?

I'm not needy, but I do have needs that haven't been met time and time again.

And I'm tired.

Rejection sucks.

It weighs you down, but it's never stopped me from believing I would finally get what I deserve and what I've been looking for for so long.

Ever heard the saying rejection is redirection?

I'm beginning to understand it now.

The one thing I've been craving is within reach.

Acceptance, understanding and unconditional love from a guy who has managed to see parts of me that I've never shown anyone. 

Never knew were even there.

In the past I never felt comfortable to let my guard down, but there's something about this guy that's so different.

The magic of love may have found me afterall.

Waiting

Waiting.

I'm not a patient person most of the time, but when it comes to matters of the heart, I've got all the time in the world.

Lord knows I've been writing my beloved blog for more than 12 years, still holding space - and hope - I will meet the guy I'm supposed to be with.

You have laughed, gasped, smiled and no doubt shook your heads reading some of my posts. Thank you for being here and sticking with me.

Friends have said "I don't know what I would do if I was single now. I don't know how you do it."

Shut up, please. Respectfully, shut up.

I do it over and over again because these are the cards I've been dealt and I need to accept that or not.

I chose to accept it many years ago.

Not having a boyfriend hasn't stopped me from living my life. I travel alone, go to gigs, movies, friend's big events - all alone because I don't want to miss out because I don't have my plus one.

I've always taken comfort knowing he is out there and I will meet him soon.

The more work I've done on myself, the more I started to believe this dream would become a reality.

It only takes one to change everything.

The magic of love wasn't as out of reach as I once thought.

Familiar pair of jeans

I recently got a taste of what a relationship might look like with someone I've known for almost five years.

Timing was never right with us. Or that's what I always kept telling myself. 

He wouldn't/couldn't/didn't commit. I always wanted him to. We'd go 'round in circles repeating these habits. 

Yet time and time again we'd find ourselves gravitating towards each other again. And each time I was hoping it would work out differently. 

Each time it didn't. 

Until the most recent time. 

I had hope. I knew there was something between us that was more than a situationship as everyone had labelled it. 

Things were smooth sailing.

For three weeks.

Shortest honeymoon period I've ever had.

Slowly my self-doubts crept back in like a familiar pair of jeans. They look good, but you know the fit just isn't right.

We'd been here before and I knew how it was going to play out. 

He didn't return my calls, didn't respond to text messages. Looked at photos I sent, but still didn't contact me. 

The old feelings of uncomfortableness once again swept over me. 

Oddly familiar as we've been here before, but at the same time I was hoping we were done with this. 

Not communicating our needs with other. Not truly saying how we felt. Letting the other person go because you knew you couldn't give them what they want. 

I know this isn't the state I want to live in – constantly wondering if he's going to return my calls – hell, answer them in the first place – reply to messages or even message me first. 

This isn't the basis of a solid relationship, or even friendship. 

The constant state of not knowing where you stand isn't good for anybody. 

I know that. 

I also need to finish this last chapter with us.

I need to close the book for the last time.

If he won’t give me closure, I’ll take it for myself.

Uncertainty

When you feel you're on the cusp of something great there's always a niggling feeling in the back of your mind. 

Is this really happening? Will it last this time? Is the universe testing me? Am I imagining this? Will it be different this time?

So many questions (always!).

You're always torn between living in the moment and wondering whether this will last, or whether it was put in your path to test you. 

Don't get me wrong, I love living in lala land occasionally, but reality always creeps back in. 

Always does. 

Then you start to question whether this is the state of being you're supposed to enjoy?

But how can you enjoy the uncertainty of things?

No guarantees in life - I get that - but there can be certainties with some things in your life. 

You make plans to see friends, you catch up, share food, drinks, stories and realise this is where you're supposed to be. 

No guessing. No wondering. You know the outcome and you come back for more every time. 

There at some uncertainties you can't avoid. 

Leaving the washing on the line, hoping it doesn't rain while you're out. 

Finding a carpark in a busy shopping centre. 

Hoping your favourite pretzel will still be at the shop at the end of the day. 

The last treat at the office morning tea.

Catching the lift before the doors close. 

Some of these things are just a tad bit exciting. 

But the uncertainty of love and finding your person?

That's not always as exhilarating.

How I'd like to be remembered

I often think about what would be written on my tombstone.

The key things about me I'd want people to remember me by.

She loved to go the movies and gigs

Made friends easily; always spoke her mind

Never met a matchy-matchy outfit she didn't love (hello earrings!)

Not everyone's cup of tea

Loyal to a fault, always had high expectations of others, and herself

Loved to talk about the weather

Didn't play well with others

Natural blonde.

A friend gave me a small bag a few Christmases ago and on it read: you are my cup of tea.

Never a truer word was spoken. This hit me - she knows me well.

I think about the tombstone messaging a lot actually - how would people remember me or how would I like them to remember me?

I don't waste time worrying about what people think of me usually; but I do think about my actions and being a good person to others.

Brave

I'm often told I'm brave and to be honest, I don't feel it and I'm kinda sick of hearing it.

The things I do come naturally to me.

Noone to go on holidays with? No worries, I'll go by myself.

An acquaintance cancels on a singles mixer? I've already bought my ticket, so let's go solo.

Not enjoying my job? I'll quit.

Nothing seems impossible or out of reach for me.

I don't limit what I can or can't do.

Growing up I was taught - ney told - I can do anything if I put my mind to it.

I've never placed restrictions on myself for what I want or what I can achieve.

I think not having a five or 10-year-plan has helped this. I'm not on any path to any type of life I've imagined for myself.

The only thing I can see in my future is being happily married, living in a house with my husband and my cat Millie. I've told you I'm easy to please!

I don't need a lot to be happy, but I do need to find the little pieces of joy in the things I do.

Finding the joy in the small things

I find myself looking for joy in the tiniest of moments.

A work meeting. Meal prep on a Friday night. Freshly washed sheets. Cut grass. New boots. A good hair day. Dancing around my living room listening to music. Bangin' new outfit. You get my drift.

Instead of waiting to find joy in the big moments I am finding it in the small ones, and boy they are bringing me joy.

You see, I need to feel inspired in whatever I do. I'm not going to be engaged otherwise. And I am easy to please, really.

It doesn't take a lot to make me happy.

I recently attended a singles mixer and I really enjoyed myself, though I kinda knew I would.

Instead of looking at it as a way to meet THE guy, I kept an open mind.

I was going out on a Thursday night.

I wore a new outfit.

I love talking to strangers.

I make new friends easily.

Win-win situation really.

I did get chatting to an occupational therapist for a big chunk of the night and when he left without saying goodbye, or swapping numbers with me, I took a beat.

I was bummed, but it wasn't meant to be. The right guy will want my number and want to see me again. Simple as that.

This guy didn't and that's okay.

Instead, I focused on the great night out I'd had.

I made friends with a lovely lady - exchanged numbers - how old school. She asked if I wanted to grab dinner before the next mixer and that brought me joy.

I think if we can break down the big goals into smaller ones it gives us the opportunity to find little pockets of joy in moments when we're not looking for it.

Imagine how much joy we can experience if we take the pressure off ourselves. Off others. Off situations. Off jobs. Off friends.

Boyfriend privileges

Have you heard of the boyfriend and husband privileges theory?

There are certain things you shouldn't do unless they are your boyfriend or husband.

For example, picking them up from the airport, cooking them an elaborate meal, buying birthday presents, using pet names, helping them pick out what to wear, changing your plans for them, posting pics together. The list is long.

These are gestures some would say are only reserved for someone who is your boyfriend or husband.

I've found myself giving someone boyfriend privileges when they are far from it. Not sure they are even in the same postcode.

And the realisation hit hard.

I'm a caring person and like looking after others - sometimes to my own detriment.

Who is looking out for me? Cooking me dinners? Changing their plans for me? Wanting to hear about my day?

I have confused short-term lust for long-term commitment.

But that stops now.

I've known for a few years I want to get married (but no kids, thanks!). I also know I want the guy to make me a priority, think of me before he makes plans and wants to get out and explore with me.

I shouldn't feel like I don't deserve these normal things.

But somehow I do.

I always downplay my plans to get married (in the next two years please!). I make a joke about it. But I am deadly serious.

I need to stop sitting on the sidelines and get in the game. No one else is going to do it for me.

I'm my biggest advocate, but also biggest critic.

I am ready to feel the magic of love again. It's been far too long.

Star sign swiping

This year as I created and deleted, created and deleted profiles on dating apps I decided to take a different tact.

I started swiping right only on compatible star signs with mine.

Crazy, I know, but thought I'd give myself a head start on people who should be more compatible with me.

It may sound ridiculous to those who don't believe in astrology, but it's something that gives me comfort.

I believe there are reasons why we get along better with some people, and not others.

Some things are out of our control.

And some things aren't.

But I'm talking about the big-ticket items like shared values, common goals and interests.

Compatibility is a big one and sometimes no matter how hard you try, you're just not compatible with that person.

Whether it be a friendship or relationship, sometimes there are things out of our control.

So yes, I may be swiping from a smaller pool of fish, but I'd like to think the odds will be in my favour.

Sunday guy

Sundays have been my least favourite day of the week for as long as I can remember.

I guess it's my version of the Sunday scaries.

Something that has always given me confidence is I'm going to meet someone who I'll share my Sundays with and won't feel like it's me against the world anymore.

I've recently reconnected with a guy I haven't seen in awhile and it makes me think I'd love to fill my Sunday gap.

How fabulous would it be to share my least favourite day with someone and actually look forward to the week ahead.

Instead, I think about how another week has passed and I'm still in the same situation I was the previous week.

But it also got me thinking - is this guy Sunday material?

I think my heart knows maybe not, but my head hasn't gotten there yet.

It's still hoping for the happily ever after I didn't get with him the first time, or even second.

And I'm not sure I'm getting it this time either.

However, it does feel different, just not sure if it's Sunday different.

But the difference this time around? If it's not this guy, there will be another Sunday guy and that's something to put a smile on my face thinking about.

Low-stakes date

Recently I went on a low-stakes date, and I gotta say, I'm a fan.

I went in with a clear exit strategy.

I'd stay for a couple of hours - this gave me plenty of time to suss the guy out - and him, me.

I also didn't get as dressed up as I usually do. Didn't even curl my hair, shock, horror!

I instantly felt at ease as soon as I met him. Perhaps taking the pressure off myself helped?

I'm sure it didn't hurt.

I was hell bent on not sharing a dinner with him like he was so persistent about.

We met at 4pm - a great time to see each other in the daylight and I could also make tracks in the daylight too, if need be!

The guy made his intentions clear about wanting to go on a second date (always a good sign). This also takes some of the pressure off too.

He was clear with his intentions.

Asked if he could hold my hand.

Messaged after we left, like he said he would.

This was followed with a really strong second date three days later. Apart from him forgetting his credit card and I had to pick up the tab for dinner and drinks ..... he assured me he'd transfer the money (which he didn't).

Unfortunately this story doesn't have us walking into the sunset hand in hand, but it did show me I can - and should - go into first dates with a lot less expectation (particularly on myself).

From now on, I aim to be less hung up about what he thought of me, rather what I thought of him and how he made me feel.

So here's to more low-stakes dates in my future!

I'm getting closer to feeling the magic of love again.

Energy

My energy feels calm. There's no other way to describe it.

It's been a long time - I can't even remember the last time - since I've felt this way.

And you know what? It feels good. It feels right. It feels like I deserve this.

A month ago I would never have thought - dreamed - I would feel like this.

And I couldn't be more grateful.

I've come a long way in the last five months. Professionally, personally and mentally.

And I don't have anyone to credit but myself.

I've always been my own advocate. Lord knows there hasn't been a boyfriend to rely on for that.

But I also don't think we need to, or should, have others validate you.

Lately I've been feeling like the guy is getting close to being in my orbit, or reality.

Like I can feel his presence in the not-too-distant future.

And I'm excited.

I've waited a very long time to find my match.

Someone who puts as much effort in as I do, who considers me when making plans, who likes cats!

I'm looking for a doer - like me.

Someone who is ready to explore and embrace life with me.

I'm ready.

My next chapter is about to begin.

Here's to the magic of love.

F1 fever

I have to admit, F1 fever has finally hit me.

When Netflix announced a new season of Drive to Survive starting a few weeks ago I thought I'd check it out. No idea why - just thought I'd give it a go.

And I loved it! One episode in and I was hooked!

I've spent the better part of the past three weeks watching all six seasons and now feel I have a better understanding of F1.

I've also recently joined online dating again and thought my F1 knowledge might be of benefit when chatting to guys.

I've told them I've been watching, but no one really wanted to ask me more than that (quite disappointing as I'm willing to tell anymore who'll listen!).

I can't win!

But I didn't jump on the F1 bandwagon for a date. It's something that's come my way quite organically and unexpectedly. And I'm here for it.

We have a old family friend who's been a rev head for many years and I spent more than an hour-and-a-half chewing his ear off last week learning as much as I can about F1.

Even he was impressed with my knowledge in such a short time!

I best be off - want to see who wins the Australian Grand Prix!

Like the first time

As I stepped outside there was a thickness in the summer air that just felt like love.

I inhaled every single breath.

All of a sudden I had this overwhelming feeling about how nice it would be to be with a boyfriend experiencing this, at-times-balmy, Brisbane night together.

I was grateful to be out of the house with my friend, of course, don't get me wrong.

But with a significant other, it really hits different.

But it made me wonder about the possibilities I was finally feeling so many years after my boyfriend and I broke up.

I lost myself in the break-up and it's taken a really long time to feel anything again.

But I feel I'm there - ready to experience it all again - like the first time - but for the last time.

Waiting

I have this feeling I'm waiting for my life to start.

I'm waiting for a sign ...

I don't believe the life I'm currently living is what I'm supposed to be doing with my time.

Waiting is always the hardest part.

Waiting for the job.

Waiting for the guy.

Waiting for your life to take a turn in the direction it's supposed to be.

Waiting for the weather to clear up.

Waiting for the bus.

Waiting for the end of the day to come.

Waiting for a movie to come out.

Waiting for your friend to arrive.

Waiting for the plane.

Waiting for your next birthday.

Waiting for the sunset.

Waiting for the weekend.

Waiting to feel love again.

Life's too short to wait.

Life starts now. There's no Plan B.

Soulmates

I saw a post on Instagram recently asking if you ever thought what your soulmate was doing right now?

I don't believe in soulmates, but I do often wonder what the guy I'm supposed to be with is doing.

Is he at a friend's BBQ, wishing he has a plus one to accompany him? Did he see a gig (solo) again? Does he look around the room at all the couples, feeling extra single?

Or is he lovin' single life, cherishing these moments he won't get back? Quality time with friends and family - uninterrupted - without outside noise.

Now, I don't stay awake thinking about this, but my mind does often wonder what he's doing and how much longer I have to wait until I meet him.

I've been told I'm impatient (guilty!), however I am 43 years old. Think I have waited long enough!

I've had a few false starts in this area, but there's never been anyone I thought I would be (or wanted to be) with long term.

It's also an exciting time right now - I feel like I am on the cusp of something really great, I just haven't reached the finish line.

Now I know they say it's all about the journey - and that's cool - but it's time I had a co-pilot.

There's also another saying about a lid for every pot. I just need to make sure I'm in the right kitchen.

This independent woman is ready for what happens next - 2024 is going to be the year!