Things aren't always as they seem

Things aren't always as they seem. They rarely are.

You see, the guy I've been happily blogging about hasn't actually been the person I've been happily blogging about.

As women, we try to make sense of what's happened. Did I miss the signs, did he really say those things or did I imagine it, was it me? Could I have done something differently?

The list is endless.

But this time (for once) I can hold my head high and know it wasn't my actions that changed, it was his.

I was my most authentic self I've ever been around a guy. This in itself can be quite confronting - not having someone continue to respond to your openness like they had previously.

I felt extremely comfortable sharing with him and talking to him about anything and he did the same with me.

That's what made him stand out from the other guys.

But something changed with his communication and he no longer felt comfortable to talk to me about it.

As you can imagine, this left me with a lot of questions. Many of which I still don't have the answer to.

Recently I had to fly back to Cairns unexpectedly and he was coming with me - had his flight booked and everything.

At the last minute, there was a family emergency and he couldn't come.

And by last minute, I mean 12 hours before we were flying.

During the four days I was home with my family, he wasn't there for me. I expected more, especially because the guy he'd shown me for the first few weeks of dating would have been there for me.

Once I got back to Brisbane, things were still off. 

He was preoccupied with family stuff. He didn't prioritise me or my needs.

Everything had changed with him and I started wondering what had happened.

One minute he's telling me I look cute in a selfie I sent him, the next he's dodging my calls and not responding to my text messages.

I was in a familiar place, once again.

One I thought I was never ever going back to.

Things were going at lightning speed for both us. He wasn't further along than me. He didn't love bomb me as some friends has suggested. We both saw each other together for the long-term.

But things changed and he no longer practiced what he preached. His actions no longer matched his words and it left me wondering where I stood in the relationship.

This is not something I ever want to find myself questioning, especially with him.

Things happen for a reason

I'm a big believer in things happening for a reason.

I don't always know why at the time, but eventually I do.

I've jumped headfirst into 2026. I've experienced the highs - and lows - over four weeks.

The thing I've been searching for for a long as I can remember is here.

And I couldn't be more surprised.

I've met someone who not only sees me for who I am and likes it, but is not afraid of the strong, independent woman I am.

In fact, that's one of the things that attracted him to me.

After awhile you start to believe the rhetoric you're told.

I'm too much.

I ask too many questions.

I shouldn't expect someone to text me back or call me back like I do.

I've somehow become that girl whose name flashes on the phone screen, but her calls and texts are never returned.

I've questioned myself time and time again. 

Am I asking too much of this guy?

Shouldn't he want to spend time with me?

I'm not needy, but I do have needs that haven't been met time and time again.

And I'm tired.

Rejection sucks.

It weighs you down, but it's never stopped me from believing I would finally get what I deserve and what I've been looking for for so long.

Ever heard the saying rejection is redirection?

I'm beginning to understand it now.

The one thing I've been craving is within reach.

Acceptance, understanding and unconditional love from a guy who has managed to see parts of me that I've never shown anyone. 

Never knew were even there.

In the past I never felt comfortable to let my guard down, but there's something about this guy that's so different.

The magic of love may have found me afterall.

Waiting

Waiting.

I'm not a patient person most of the time, but when it comes to matters of the heart, I've got all the time in the world.

Lord knows I've been writing my beloved blog for more than 12 years, still holding space - and hope - I will meet the guy I'm supposed to be with.

You have laughed, gasped, smiled and no doubt shook your heads reading some of my posts. Thank you for being here and sticking with me.

Friends have said "I don't know what I would do if I was single now. I don't know how you do it."

Shut up, please. Respectfully, shut up.

I do it over and over again because these are the cards I've been dealt and I need to accept that or not.

I chose to accept it many years ago.

Not having a boyfriend hasn't stopped me from living my life. I travel alone, go to gigs, movies, friend's big events - all alone because I don't want to miss out because I don't have my plus one.

I've always taken comfort knowing he is out there and I will meet him soon.

The more work I've done on myself, the more I started to believe this dream would become a reality.

It only takes one to change everything.

The magic of love wasn't as out of reach as I once thought.