Low-stakes date

Recently I went on a low-stakes date, and I gotta say, I'm a fan.

I went in with a clear exit strategy.

I'd stay for a couple of hours - this gave me plenty of time to suss the guy out - and him, me.

I also didn't get as dressed up as I usually do. Didn't even curl my hair, shock, horror!

I instantly felt at ease as soon as I met him. Perhaps taking the pressure off myself helped?

I'm sure it didn't hurt.

I was hell bent on not sharing a dinner with him like he was so persistent about.

We met at 4pm - a great time to see each other in the daylight and I could also make tracks in the daylight too, if need be!

The guy made his intentions clear about wanting to go on a second date (always a good sign). This also takes some of the pressure off too.

He was clear with his intentions.

Asked if he could hold my hand.

Messaged after we left, like he said he would.

This was followed with a really strong second date three days later. Apart from him forgetting his credit card and I had to pick up the tab for dinner and drinks ..... he assured me he'd transfer the money (which he didn't).

Unfortunately this story doesn't have us walking into the sunset hand in hand, but it did show me I can - and should - go into first dates with a lot less expectation (particularly on myself).

From now on, I aim to be less hung up about what he thought of me, rather what I thought of him and how he made me feel.

So here's to more low-stakes dates in my future!

I'm getting closer to feeling the magic of love again.

Energy

My energy feels calm. There's no other way to describe it.

It's been a long time - I can't even remember the last time - since I've felt this way.

And you know what? It feels good. It feels right. It feels like I deserve this.

A month ago I would never have thought - dreamed - I would feel like this.

And I couldn't be more grateful.

I've come a long way in the last five months. Professionally, personally and mentally.

And I don't have anyone to credit but myself.

I've always been my own advocate. Lord knows there hasn't been a boyfriend to rely on for that.

But I also don't think we need to, or should, have others validate you.

Lately I've been feeling like the guy is getting close to being in my orbit, or reality.

Like I can feel his presence in the not-too-distant future.

And I'm excited.

I've waited a very long time to find my match.

Someone who puts as much effort in as I do, who considers me when making plans, who likes cats!

I'm looking for a doer - like me.

Someone who is ready to explore and embrace life with me.

I'm ready.

My next chapter is about to begin.

Here's to the magic of love.

F1 fever

I have to admit, F1 fever has finally hit me.

When Netflix announced a new season of Drive to Survive starting a few weeks ago I thought I'd check it out. No idea why - just thought I'd give it a go.

And I loved it! One episode in and I was hooked!

I've spent the better part of the past three weeks watching all six seasons and now feel I have a better understanding of F1.

I've also recently joined online dating again and thought my F1 knowledge might be of benefit when chatting to guys.

I've told them I've been watching, but no one really wanted to ask me more than that (quite disappointing as I'm willing to tell anymore who'll listen!).

I can't win!

But I didn't jump on the F1 bandwagon for a date. It's something that's come my way quite organically and unexpectedly. And I'm here for it.

We have a old family friend who's been a rev head for many years and I spent more than an hour-and-a-half chewing his ear off last week learning as much as I can about F1.

Even he was impressed with my knowledge in such a short time!

I best be off - want to see who wins the Australian Grand Prix!

Like the first time

As I stepped outside there was a thickness in the summer air that just felt like love.

I inhaled every single breath.

All of a sudden I had this overwhelming feeling about how nice it would be to be with a boyfriend experiencing this, at-times-balmy, Brisbane night together.

I was grateful to be out of the house with my friend, of course, don't get me wrong.

But with a significant other, it really hits different.

But it made me wonder about the possibilities I was finally feeling so many years after my boyfriend and I broke up.

I lost myself in the break-up and it's taken a really long time to feel anything again.

But I feel I'm there - ready to experience it all again - like the first time - but for the last time.

Waiting

I have this feeling I'm waiting for my life to start.

I'm waiting for a sign ...

I don't believe the life I'm currently living is what I'm supposed to be doing with my time.

Waiting is always the hardest part.

Waiting for the job.

Waiting for the guy.

Waiting for your life to take a turn in the direction it's supposed to be.

Waiting for the weather to clear up.

Waiting for the bus.

Waiting for the end of the day to come.

Waiting for a movie to come out.

Waiting for your friend to arrive.

Waiting for the plane.

Waiting for your next birthday.

Waiting for the sunset.

Waiting for the weekend.

Waiting to feel love again.

Life's too short to wait.

Life starts now. There's no Plan B.

Soulmates

I saw a post on Instagram recently asking if you ever thought what your soulmate was doing right now?

I don't believe in soulmates, but I do often wonder what the guy I'm supposed to be with is doing.

Is he at a friend's BBQ, wishing he has a plus one to accompany him? Did he see a gig (solo) again? Does he look around the room at all the couples, feeling extra single?

Or is he lovin' single life, cherishing these moments he won't get back? Quality time with friends and family - uninterrupted - without outside noise.

Now, I don't stay awake thinking about this, but my mind does often wonder what he's doing and how much longer I have to wait until I meet him.

I've been told I'm impatient (guilty!), however I am 43 years old. Think I have waited long enough!

I've had a few false starts in this area, but there's never been anyone I thought I would be (or wanted to be) with long term.

It's also an exciting time right now - I feel like I am on the cusp of something really great, I just haven't reached the finish line.

Now I know they say it's all about the journey - and that's cool - but it's time I had a co-pilot.

There's also another saying about a lid for every pot. I just need to make sure I'm in the right kitchen.

This independent woman is ready for what happens next - 2024 is going to be the year!

Bunnings

Feeling single hits me at different times. Sure there's the obvious coming home to an empty house, doing the grocery shopping by yourself and of course the dreaded no plus one to a wedding.

But today I was in Bunnings and it hit me.

As I kept loading my trolley with pots, potting mix, soil and more pots it slowly dawned on me how much I was buying and how I really needed someone to help me get it all to the car.

I needed help navigating the trolley up the damn hill to the car, while making sure none of my pots fell off.

You see, I'd bought a few big pots and wondered how much they'd roll around in the boot as I didn't have anyone to put them between their legs.

After considering my options (could I leave the trolley and tail it out of there?!) I asked the lovely young gardening attendant if there was someone who could help me get my trolley to the car? Turns out other staff were too busy so he said he'd help me.

The strapping young guy effortlessly loaded my three bags of soil and potting mix, as well as a few pots into my boot and I thanked him profusely and went on my merry way.

As I was driving home I was thinking how nice it would be to be sitting next to my beau talking about how we'd put the Bunnings haul to use.

Instead, it was me. It's always me.

I had to do the heavy lifting when I got home, but I'm happy to say as I sit on the couch tonight I got three-quarters of my potting done this afternoon and I'm pretty bloody proud of myself. 

I am a strong, independent woman and there's not a lot that stops me in my tracks.

I look forward to a Bunnings visit when I not only share the heavy lifting, but also the other stuff that comes with being in a committed relationship.